What's Normal? I Am Confused, Absent Minded, Flooded With Strange Emotions and Physical Sensations and Most Often Feel On the Verge of Throwing Up


I am in the fifth month of pregnancy. I am confused, absent minded, flooded with strange emotions and physical sensations and most often feel on the verge of throwing up. What kind of new world is this? What does it all mean? Motherhood?  Me? Now? How on earth will I manage and what will my life look like?

I find most everybody annoying and usually seek solitude and quiet. This time spent alone however, is not really productive as I find it very difficult to accomplish anything in my present state of mind.

I am frustrated with myself. I can’t tell if these feelings are all pregnancy and hormones, the residual effect of the medications I was and am on or the recurrence of the depression from which I used to suffer so terribly. I find comfort in the company of my sister and her children, perhaps because she is so easy to talk to has experienced pregnancy twice herself. But in the end my antisocial impulses always win out and I crave quiet and space away from all people. I, as mentioned above, do not usually use this time for things like reflection or meditation but am always immersed in novels and books – distractions from real life. I find the things I need and want to accomplish falling by the wayside. Large amounts of time elapse while my house falls into a state of disrepair, laundry piles up, to do lists grow longer and days and daylight disappear.

Could this behaviour and comfort zones be left over from my murky past – periods of wild abandon and drunkenness, parties and binges? I have certainly had and traveled many roads to oblivion, escape and self-delusion. I have had, for many years, thoughts, feelings and memories that I find uncomfortable to face. Am I now sobering up in one respect but maintaining my addictive behaviours? Finding new and less harmful means to the same end: escape? Escape from myself?

These questions are hard to face but are necessary to deal with if I am to become a successful mother. The thought of passing on these character flaws, habits or whatever they are to my child is unbearable. It seems that even while growing this child in my womb, I must give birth to a new more grown up me before I can physically give birth to my child. It’s this assuming of enormous responsibility to this new life not just in the physical realm but in the mental, spiritual, and moral. I must now take responsibility for who I am and what I represent. I must get to know myself, my limitations, my strengths and be honest about the things I do not like - or even despise.

I am excited to be a mother but apprehensive at the same time. Sometimes I can’t believe this is happening at all and have a certain sense of unreality. I am not sure how much of this is me and my personal deficiencies and what is normal.

What is normal?




lunatica lunatica
23 Responses Aug 1, 2008

Everyone is different so normal and normal for you could and maybe two completely different things. The first trimester is the toughest but it will get better. That is pretty much the for everyone:)

Everything sounds normal hormones can make you feel different everyone womans pregnancy experience's are different,I had my first baby 11 months ago after many years of trying......

Normal is what happens to you during your pregnancy. Keep in mind no two pregnancies are the same even in the same woman.<br />
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That advice came from a nurse pregnant with her ninth child.

Don't worry honey it well get better I am about to have this baby any day! I just wanna get this little boy out! I am just as suprised as you! This is my first child.

Completely normal feelings

Ahhhh pregnancy !<br />
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Your mind turns to mashed potato and doesn't recover until after the last one leaves home....you hope !

"I find most everybody annoying and usually seek solitude and quiet."<br />
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This is a very hopeful sign. YOu ar eon your way to happier times.<br />
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Congratulations on your new mission in life.

Intrauterine communication perhaps? That was very interesting, Molly. A lot of really great advice on here, and no doubt the child is born by now? How did it all turn out for you?

Well back on the birth pills ....this frightens the stuff out of me ....im freaking now ...just reading it ....been off the pills for 4 mts ....und i wound get near him again till i have the pills ...

I dont think you have to be pregnant to feel like a lot of those emotions. It is the 'human condition'. Welcome to humanity!

This all sounds like the chemicals are going crazy in your body. This is normal during pregnancy- especially the 5th month- but it wouldn't hurt to see a caring physician who will assure you. (You could also tell him about your concerns about the anti-depressents you took before your pregnancy- or maybe you already have).<br />
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Chemicals going crazy can make your moods and thoughts go absolutely wild- and while you are having them they seem SANE to you- they seem more logical than any thoughts you ever had, and you think you are coming to right conclusions (or they are irrational and you can't stop them). Your emotions seem so real and they feel like they are telling you the truth. Every feeling and memory from your past (especially sensitive ones) will come back in this state- because the chemicals are triggering all these. It makes you question and you feel like you are asking yourself valid questions and it's leading you to a deeper spirituality- but this is all an illusion- because it is just the chemicals in your body. You will find your spirituality, and the truth about yourself in the stability of your family, friends and circumstances around you. When the chemicals calm down, you will realize this- and when you do, make a note of the state you are in- this is "normal", and remember when you go into the state you describe above that it will end and you will feel 'yourself again'. What you are experiencing above in the letter is A normal state as well of course, but it is not the state to make sound conclusions or contemplations about life in. It is actually a state to savor and remember it is a part of the beauty and miracle of giving birth- so cherish even this (while you are in it- it will make it easier to get through!).<br />
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Oh and PS only in America is being alone considered 'anti-social'- in Canada the introvert and even the hermit is valued as much as the extrovert! It's okay to be alone- even in times like you describe- but if you ever get suicidal in this state (you didn't mention you do)- make sure you let people know while you are NOT in this state to not leave you alone in that state, so that when you do get in this state, they will be there for you in the best possible way.<br />
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Good luck. And congrads on pregnancy! You must be extremely excited.

You should discuss your concerns with your doctor about the depression symptoms. My OB/GYN said it was OK for me to remain on Prozac through both my pregnancies and my kids seem to have turned out OK. Your body is going through so many changes right now. I was so absent-minded when I was pregnant! Things can get overwhelming pretty quickly. I was 22 with my first and 30 with my second and there was a lot of difference in how my emotions worked. I don't know if it was the age difference or just because I had done it before. Do you have anyone you could ask for help with household tasks? You cannot worry about passing along imperfections to your baby, but you might want to discuss this with your doctor too at your next visit. And I don't think anything you're experiencing has anything to do with past partying; it's just a HUGE adjustment physically, mentally and emotionally.

i no it may sound silly but i feel better knowing that i am not the only one who has gone through this!i am just getting over exactly what you r going through and still have a long way 2 go!feel free 2 message me and mayb we can find some kind of resolution!it does get easier very slowly but u will get there xxx

There really is no "normal". With my children, each pregnancy was different, just as each child was different. I do see now the correlation between how I felt when I was pregnant and how their personalities have ended up to be.

dear lunatica welcome to being normal. the fact you can say this about yourself already shows that you can cope with anything life throws at you. your stories of life will bring you much laughter as you grow older and these experiences will be invaluable as a mother. you will love being a mother, children give unconditional love, just do what you have to do and start telling yourself how amazing you are. you have survived and can now enjoy motherhood. all the best to you. andy

I thank all of you for your beautiful comments and support. I can't express how much this means to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you,

Hi Your story sounds similar to mine so I just wanted to let you know your not alone because I felt like I was sometimes. I have had depression since I was 13 (you wont have time for this once your baby is born). I was sick for 9 months and grumpy and antisocial. Unfortunatly your sense of unreality and absentmindedness will remain until the baby is born.<br />
To look back on your past, accept it, be uncomfortable with it, and realise that it is gone for ever now that you are nolonger the most important person in your life is frightening, depressing, relieving, intelligent, and very brave. Good for you, it is unfortunatly the road least travelled. I think you will be just fine. I am and my wee one is five months old and very happy. Take care Have fun. And get as much sleep as you can.

An altered state of consciousness plus leisure time to rethink the essence of reality. <br />
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You can take it as an opportunity for a journey most people wouldn't dare, or you can blame it on hormones and go back to sleep when it's all over. <br />
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Blue pill or red pill?<br />
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At the moment, you can afford to let the unthinkable questions flow, and ignore the fact that the people closest to you don't seems to understand. <br />
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Some of your answers might be right here in the Experience project. (My answers were in WrongPlanet.net.) If that doesn't work, I bet you can find some lunatic, somewhere on the internet who dares to talk sense in a language that you can follow. Just start googling buzz words that make sense to you and see where it leads.

I have been pregnant 3 times. The first is a real adjustment. These feelings take time to digest. I think it is one of the reason's why it takes 40 weeks to grow a baby. You are only about half way there - give yourself a break and more time!<br />
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Don't worry about being the perfect mom. No one is.<br />
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I remember not knowing the correct way to do something (berping or something) once my baby was born. I just looked around, no one was there except me and the baby, and I just did what came natural. Now keep in mind that I had never babysat a baby and had hardly even ever picked one up my whole life.<br />
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That baby I didn't know what to do with is now almost 21 and managed to live through it all!

Lunatica,<br />
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First, listen to soonermom. Then, read her comments again! You are one crazy, mixed-up, emotional, amazing, strong woman! You're not going off the deep end! You are a normal beautiful pregnant woman! All of your feelings are valid and ok. But, as a father, I can say that your worries may prove to be mere folly. For caring moms and dads, parenting is instinctive. I know you will find joy and satisfaction in your abilities as a mom. You will know what to do. It's natural. Your abilities grow with your child's needs. As a woman, you are strong enough, smart enough and loving enough to care for your little one. Thank God He didn't give us men the job of motherhood.

Hi Sweetie, I know the first time I was pregnant, I definitely wasn't ready for it at all, being unmarried and living with my now ex-hubby, worried that my mom would freak out and going through all the changes that occur during the pregnancy, I can understand totally how you feel right now. And yes, your past will bother you just as mine still does to this day but as we grow older we learn to deal with stuff either by ourselves or by getting help from a professional. I also have chronic depression and go into these loner modes where I just stay home by myself for weeks at a time, not really accomplishing much at home either. I do have a small suggestion for you. I belong to Facebook and I also have a group there called Moms R Us, perhaps if you want that is, please join me as a friend, you can send a request if you're already a member of Facebook and then I can get you into this group. There are moms of all ages there and I am sure that many of them would be a huge help to you.

I agree with soonermom, it is all normal. I experience similar things (I started my 6th month). Was depressed yesterday, today am happy :)

It's all normal. It's like your body and mind are not your own and you do not control your emotions any more. It gets better in the middle, then back to craziness at the end.<BR><BR>Good news, though! It's all definitely worth it. :-D You will do great.

"It gets better in the middle, then back to craziness at the end." - really genious words!!
I am now about to give birth to my baby-girl, really happy and emotioned, can't wait to see and hold her in my hands.
But in the beginning I really did not recognize me, then, in the middle, began feeling better and to the end had (having) a mix of super positive emotions and depression... Sure, it is a new thing in my life so I think it is really normal being scared, depressed and happy at the same time!!! Everyhting can be explained by a natural change in our organism. We are going to be moms, this is the most important thing!!!!