I Need Some Advice.

I am a little over 9 weeks pregnant. I currently live with my boyfriend but there are some major issues that I am trying to deal with. A couple days ago, I had an accident with a minor knee sprain and some ligament damage and I'm on crutches. Me and my boyfriend live together with a roomate and our lease is due to be up at the end of April. Instead of us pursuing to live in another apartment, my mother kindly agreed to let us stay with her in her 4 bedroom house free of charge. Me and my boyfriend just made it past our year anniversary but I'm starting to feel very resentful towards him. In the middle of our lease, my boyfriend lost his job. I did EVERYTHING to make ends meet. I worked all the time, cooked and cleaned, paid all the bills, put food on the table, etc. This went on for about 6 months.

Now.. that I am pregnant and on crutches and also live on the third floor of my complex, of course i can't do much by myself or work. My boyfriend has done a terrific job proving to me that he can't roll with the punches. Our house is always a mess, he throws it in my face that i'm on crutches and "he can't do everything himself." My lid is about to blow. He lost his job once again, and now works with his uncle doing various house jobs. The downfall of this is that it isn't constant work. The hourly rate is decent but the amount of work in definitely not full time.

We also have a pet, a year and half old pit, whom I love with all my heart. My dog is trained well but still occasionally has his accidents. My boyfriend doesn't really tune into my dog and sometimes even lets him go 10-12 hours without taking him out, so of course if he has to go, he has to go. Last night, i crutched my way to the bathroom to step in dog pee.. thanking god that i didn't slip and fall, I was furious. He is so damn lazy. And again this morning, he left for work without checking on me or taking my dog to use the bathroom before he left. I am angry and frustrated. I ended up asking my roomate who is mere 100 lbs to take out my 70 lb dog.. you can imagine she was upset, not only because it shouldn't be her responsibilty but because she was running late for work herself considering she had to do that favor for me.

I don't know what to do to make him understand that sometimes you have to make sacrifices for your family, just like I had to for 6 months. He makes little money and has a marijuana habit that costs him $40 or more a week. I'm having to pay his rent for today. To top it all off, his mother is an enabler. She babied him his whole life, never gave him any responsibility and would even clean his room everyday for him. He is almost 24 and knows nothing about responsibility. I will say that on a good note, he does pay his bills on time, when he has a job and he also tries to get me everything I need as far as food but that's about it. As far as taking care of the house and the dog, he is on Pluto.

What i don't get is that he is so excited for this baby. Told all his friends and family but seems like he doesn't gives a **** about the me carrying that child. He claims I try to act like his mother and that he will take initiative if i leave him alone and allow him to do things himself.. but that's just not the case. He's forgetful and inconsiderate and I'm about to be at my breaking point. I love him and want to have a family, but I just don't know what to do to make it work. I keep giving and giving and knowing myself, there's gonna come a day when I just can't give anymore. I won't hate him, I will be indifferent and I don't want to feel this way about my child's father.

mbel001 mbel001
22-25, F
2 Responses Mar 5, 2010

If you love him and want to be with him and have this family then you need to talk to him about all this. See how that goes and take it from there. Depending on how he reacts to your feelings is how you should decide what to do. Since your mother has already offered for you to stay there maybe you should move in a bit early just for some space. You could always continue to pay your part at the other place until the lease is up if need be. Make sure you're thinking about yourself and this child. If the behavior doesn't stop or show any signs of changing it isn't going to after the child is born either. Do you want to have all the responsibility for everything throughout your life? Is the love for him worth it to you and it's just hard now because you're pregnant and on crutches? These are things you need to decide for yourself and make sure you let him know. Communication is crucial in relationships and not always easy to maintain. Trust me it doesn't get easier with a child so try to take care of it now if you can. He should be understanding and try to help more once you're able to explain to him how you feel if he loves you like you seem to love him. Obviously by writing this you care a lot. I hope things go well and get better. Best of luck. :-)

It sounds to me like you need a break, you should try a trial seperation or counceling togeather as a couple. The baby is most important. It doesn't sound like he is thinking of you at all, also the baby will need a clean and safe enviroment. Trust me you may well love your dog but when that baby comes trust me he or she will mean the world to you and more. Babies are awsome. If he can't get it togeather then he doesn't need to be with you, he sounds like he doesn't treat you well at all. Trust me I know it's easier to give advice then it is to take it. The main thing you and the baby. You should try your moms but only if you don't plan on having a non stressed relationship because spouses and parents don't tend to mix well. If you do make sure everyone talks details and agrees first but if you don't then you both need to get it togeather real quickly since that head will be crowning before you know it, 9 monthes goes by quickly. You have less then 9 monthes to go, good luck babies are wonderful.