Very Well

I could be on the brink of a nervous breakdown and ridden with anxiety yet somehow, I can manage to look pretty composed and calm. I keep my face as controlled as possible and try to play it off like I'm totally and completely relaxed. And many people buy it. No one can guess that I'm freaking out. I just seem... Fine. Okay. Chill. No one knows when I'm losing it. It probably makes my breakdowns seem so sudden and out of nowhere because I don't show any previous signs of my being about to lose it. I just do.

To others, I'm calm one moment and then I'm screaming and crying. That wasn't so sudden at all because I was freaking out pretty badly before I started screaming and crying. I was just good at wearing my mask and acting cool, but I felt myself losing it on the inside before it stretched out into my exterior.

Oddly enough, the only person who can tell is my best friend. I don't know how, but she notices something. It's really weird because my own relatives can't tell a thing, yet she can. I don't know how, but she's the only one who notices and even then, she senses I'm only freaking out a LITTLE BIT when it is in fact very much so. How she can sense that "bit" of nervousness or anxiety at all, I have no idea. I'm just shocked she can sense a bit at all.
deadmoon deadmoon
22-25, F
1 Response Jan 19, 2013

Poker face.
*pokes your face*
Poke 'er face.

There are these little differences that appear on your face as well as changes in your mannerism, that only certain people notice. People that see you often and pay attention to the details.

There was this one time, I faintly smiled for whatever reason. And mom asked me why I was smiling.. I later checked in a mirror, and it was the slightest change on my lips- not enough for dimples, happy eyes, upward curve.. nothing but a millimeter difference.