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Never Seem to Measure Up

I have always been above average in height, now standing at almost 6"and slender. I have always stood out in a crowd. I always felt out of place because of it and even though I consider myself a fairly attractive person, I still feel like I don't measure upto others in comparison. I can be really shy depending on who I am dealing with and so I always try to act as though I am confident, but I really am not . Most of the time I worry about what others think of me and how I look, so I have this really compulsive habit these days of always looking myself in the mirror and judging myself. Sometimes I think I look good enough, sometimes I think I look terrible. I have real issues, but I feel that because I'm tall and stand out, I should be a confident person.

People constantly tell me I'm beautiful and I'm a wonderful, but then I don't see it most times. I need constant reminding or I will crumble. I have a terrible time speaking in public, and I could go on,and on about what I don't like about myself. I know a lot of women would kill to be my height, but I just wish I had the full confidence to go with it.

EbonyKee EbonyKee 31-35 6 Responses Sep 8, 2009

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I know exactly what your talkin about but I'm not six foot lol but I am 15 and I do have speech problems especially when I'm nervous but idk if that is exactly what your saying but I'm also always worried what people think about me ..

Your story is simmular to my best friend who's 16 and 6'5 attractive but constantly judges himself in the mirror and doesn't take it well when people call him tall over and over again. In my opinion being tall is a beautiful thing and very much so attractive. everybody and I mean EVERYBODY has looked at themselves at least once and has critizised something about themselves that bc we are not perfect. Idk how you look but you claim your attractive and find things you don't like about yourself it's. People who wish they were as tall as you and/or were as good looking as you. What you can't see now others can and believe me when your older you'll love all the good attention ;)

The other thing that helps is learning music. Or some other talent.. like drawing... painting etc.. helps you to find something to believe in you can do.. or explore your own talents.



I recommend learning how to play guitar. Once you know how to play it.. you can learn how to sing with it.. Trust me.. it liberates yourself and helps you reach a greater sense of good feeling inside. At that point.. when u succeed to learn and sing.. u convince urself beyond doubt of your capacities.



Then u try to play in front of people u trust.. little by little expand yourself to others.. small experiences add up and u see with time.. ur self confidence builds up.



In true fact.. the whole thing called self confidence is a structure that belongs to the subconscious mind. But the conscious mind.. programs the content of the subconscious.



The subconscious belongs to those things u automatically think without conscious thinking or effort.

Thank you so much for your informative insight and advice. I have big issues when it comes to facing my peers when all the focus is on me and I have to speak in front of a group. It's like I'm a completely different person from the fun, loving outgoing person I am when I am just with one individual. Right now I am taking Zoloft to help with some anxiety, but I know i need to train myself to be more confident, I just don't know where to start. I've tried visualization, but I guess I need more help. When you've had this problem all your life, it's not easy to self train.

My bit of help to you goes like this.



This whole thing is some complicated thing of understanding yourself.



Sometimes we take it for granted. But being social is a learnt thing. Some people learn it naturally.. for tons of natural reasons.. but others it comes harder. You need to teach yourself how to behave.. how to get along.. To walk the walk u got to train ur mind..



Sometimes try to use visualisation skills.. see urself in front of the audience.. learn in yourself.. how to behave the way u want.. with time.. with self coaching.. it all comes more naturally than u cud imagine.



The reason why it is hard suddenly and u find urself with the growing problem of being left out for some reason.. is because ur attention is so much on how u appear.. that u are depriving ur brain.. ...more precisely..ur deep sub conscious.. from assimilating your environment and leaving it the magic of adapting to an enviroment or a set of people..



All those social problems are unfortunately extremely not well understood and how to solve them..



I hope this helps you!

Don't think you are alone, im a 27 years old male, but i am in the similar situation. I am trying to get my personal self image up and hopefully that would increase my self-esteem. I workout almost everyday, i try to keep my flat as clean as possible, i try to take care my own appearance. it helps a bit, but i need to find more ways to help with my confidence. i don't wanna give up hopes, i don't wanna live like this, feel this way. i just wanna to be happy. just simply feeling content and happy.