I Know I'm Pretty According To Stereotypical Society Standards

Ok I want to start off this story by stating that although it will probably come off as very conceited and stuck up, I honestly don't want to be that way. I am not fishing for compliments or sympathy. I simply want to vent. And sorry this story is so long but I really just need to let it all out.

All through middle school, I was considered ugly. I was not overweight but looked that way because of the clothes I wore. I had frizzy hair, glasses, and braces. In 8th grade, kids would secretly take pictures of me at school and post them on facebook. I did not have a facebook at this time so I wasn't aware that kids were making fun of me. The most humiliating thing was when girls used to tell me to make certain sexual gestures with my fingers and mouth. I was too clueless at the time to know what these gestures actually meant. They would post pictures of me making these gestures on facebook and so many people would see them and comment. I only found out about these pictures when my mom made a fake facebook and friended the girls that were bullying me at school. As soon as I saw how many people thought I was ugly and dumb, I lost all confidence in myself. I should have gone to therapy or counseling but never did.

Throughout high school, things started to look up. I got my braces off, lost the glasses, and learned how to manage my hair. I started to spend a lot of time experimenting with make up. Overtime, my facial features changed and I became something I thought I would never be. Beautiful. And not just average looking beauty, but like really, really drop dead gorgeous. Just to give you proof, I have slept with male models even though I was a complete ***** to them. They told me they only slept with me because they thought I was too sexy to resist. (I live in Miami by the way, so it is easy to meet models and other gorgeous people) At first, I would be really happy if someone complimented me by saying that I looked cute, beautiful, sexy, etc. It would literally make my day. But now that I hear these words all the time, something has happened that I thought never would: I became desensitized to the compliments.

Although I finally feel confident in my appearance, I really don't feel any better about myself on the inside. I sometimes wish I could go back to the time where I was pretty, but didn't know it yet. That slim window was the only time where people thought I was endearing. But as what happens with any pretty girl, when she realizes that she is pretty it is only a matter of time before it will go to her head. I still can't trust girls, and for good reason. They went from hating me for being ugly to hating me for being beautiful. I find that only males will give me the time of day. The only reason in for sex. Literally in the past 2 months, I have had three different sexual partners. Call me a ****, but it's the only time I feel desired. I didn't realize that even though I am in college now, that facebook incident really ****** me up. For a while, I thought that if my appearance changed, all these self esteem issues would go away.

I guess that what I have learned from these experiences is that looking the way you want to does not make you happy for long. For awhile, when you first start to realize you are pretty and that you can get any guy, it is fun. But once you realize that all they really want is sex/arm candy and only pretend to be nice to you for these various reasons, you will feel more alone than ever. I fear that I will be alone forever. Beauty means nothing if your not truly wanted by anyone. Although I wouldn't ever trade being pretty because it is the only thing that I like about myself, I sometimes envy average looking girls because it is obvious that the guys and girls around them like them for who they are, not their appearance.
HotMiamiGirl HotMiamiGirl
18-21
5 Responses Oct 14, 2012

:)

I have a childhood friend who's also incredibly good looking. She's dealt with the problems as you have, but she doesn't ever sleep around. I find the solution is to let guys know that you're not going to put out. Tell them you don't plan on having sex until you get married, so that you can be sure you're wanted for your company and not just for sex. As for girls, maybe make friends with people who are just as good looking as you are, and have the same problems? Either that or try to find somebody who doesn't care about being the center of attention. Either way, good luck, you sound like a pretty nice person, I'm pretty sure you'll meet people who will notice.

I don't think your stuck up but i think its honorable that you know whats going on and what you have done (as well as the guts to write it for numerous amounts of people to view). I don't think that many people pay attention to these types of incidents, but I think its because they assume no matter what they say the opp. party will just keep on ignoring their words. Would you have listened to someone say this to you when you were at the prime of the stage? No, and that's why most of the girls don't have the courage to approach you. And as for the guys, I'm the type of person who stays away from them knowing the same thing you know; they only have the thought to steal you away for a day to a silver night and then light up your morning with an empty bed.... Don't look down, just hold your head high and become wiser and try to "fix" those mistakes you made by learning from them and applying them to your life today.

Thank you! That really means a lot to me because right now I am in school for Journalism. I really want to have a career as a writer.

that was beautifully written!!