Evade

Despite outward appearances, I am shy, and VERY protective of my privacy.  Sure, in public I'm outgoing and bubbly and full of witty things to say.  What you don't realize is that those very witty remarks are a deliberate strategy.  If I'm being silly and telling horrible jokes, I am in control of the conversation.  The rare time that someone gets too close to my personal space (literal or emotional, it doesn't matter.  I don't welcome people into my space easily or willingly.)  I use my humor to evade.  What's more, I do it so skillfully that most of the time you don't realize what happened.

Or in a quieter setting, one on one, I'll still evade.  I'll turn the topic back on you.  Or I'll divert back to safer ground.

This is not always a good thing.  Sometimes it's downright counterproductive.  It's hard to stop evading everything when I need to.  Being evasive and diverting attention from my weak spots is so deeply ingrained in me that the habit has become instinct.  That's not good when I find myself in a therapist's office.  Or a psychiatrist's.  Or even when I find the rare friend who I think it's safe to trust.

My instinct always is to evade.  Sometimes I wish it wasn't.
Plaid Plaid
31-35, F
May 18, 2012