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Entitled To The Life I Want.

I am 24 years old and am happily spending the rest of my life with my best friend who also (thankfully) DOES NOT WANT KIDS!  I know that this concept is hard to understand for many, but I've been this way my whole life and I simply don't see it changing.  About a month before my husband and I were engaged (summer 09) I realized that I was pregnant, but was in denial about it.  At one point I think I even starved myself for a few days hoping that would do the trick.  But when I finally came to my senses and re-took my pregnancy test, I made my appointment for the abortion.  I felt a "little" guilty but only because I didn't care, and knowing that if I were ever pregnant again, I wouldn't hesitate to have another abortion.  I cried once or twice and even prayed for forgivness, but never regretted it.  Now, I'm not "religious" but am quite spiritual and I talk to God a lot.  I also have very vivid dreams that I tend to take a lot of meaning out of.  One of those dreams included what I took as a visit from the spirit of the child.  In that dream, I felt an overwhelming feeling of love from the child and no judgement on my choices.  If anything, I felt encouraged to live the life that I wanted to live.  Many people say that if you are not ready for children, that you should not have sex, and I think that is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard come out of a person's mouth.  Sex is not only healthy for you (if you are safe about it) but can be a beautiful expression of love between two people.  To deny me that experience with my husband just because I don't want kids is ludacris.  Birth control is not always effective and even the slightest slip up can result in a pregnancy.  I came looking for a forum like this based on an experience I am currently going through.  I found out a little over a week ago that I WAS pregnant, but was however, miscarrying.  This town talks a lot and many people have heard about it and want to share their condolances with me.  This is fine, but some people seem taken aback that I was relieved to not be pregnant, or what they heard "I'm glad that my baby died."  I'm not going to fake grief just for the sake of small town talk.  Thankfully, my husband is now getting closer to the age where doctors will allow him to get a vascectemy, which we will be doing very very soon so that this doesn't happen again.  Many of you will think I am selfish, and you know what, you're right.  I absolutley LOVE my life and why should I accept something into it that I generally don't even like being around?  Everyone always talks about the baby's future... well, what the F about MY future?!  Do women's futures stop becoming relevant as soon as they are able to have kids?  Not only that, but pregnancy is very hard on a woman's body and can sometimes to irrepairable damage, and I shouldn't have to go through with all that if I don't want to.  I should be able to choose a life without children and a body that has never birthed a child even if I accidentally get pregnant.  I am as unapologetic as they come about this.  My vagina is MY vagina and nobody else has the right to tell me what should and shouldn't be coming out of it.
WeddedBliss WeddedBliss 22-25, F 17 Responses Feb 24, 2011

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Buh bye, Sammy

Shut up, Sammy.<br />
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You have violated the terms of service on The Experience Project.<br />
I report punks like you. <br />
There are lots of other places for you to spew. <br />
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WeddedBliss... I love a good debate too. <br />
But this dude is a joke. <br />
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Stop, block, and roll.

Oh dear God!!!! Ok let me make this easy for you, if you wish me to answer your points, would you please number them and list them out for me? Because I don't think you made any points! besides: I killed my unborn child. Yess, Sammy, that is the nature of abortion, is it not? So I just want to give you the opportunity to make CLEAR points because I would love to answer them for you. Here's your chance to prove that your not a troll who lives by the phrase, "make Internet posts the way that I say, not that I do."

It's so hard for me to argue with someone when instead of making logical statements, all they do is make bold faced insults and then turn around and tell everyone else that WE are insulting THEM. I've come to the conclusion that Sammy is a troll who probably just has fun reading people attempts to counter an already nonsensical argument. Whatever his intention, it's become an exercise in futility, like yelling at a wall.<br />
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Either way, I am about to post a new story. What I believe is a water tight argument to keep abortions legally available. Keeping in mind this is a discussion for the legality of it, not the morality of it. If sammy has anything of note to add to it rather than "YOU KILLED YOUR BABY CUNTFACE" then I suppose we will see you there.<br />
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(Also, a hint to make your debate skills better Sammy, if that's what you intend to do, don't make a statement about someone's posts being overly verbose when one can simply look back at all these comments and see where you post 4-5 different comments at the same time. It makes others less inclined to take you seriously.)

This topic is hugely important to me, Sammy. <br />
Unfortunately, you have done nothing but insult WeddedBliss with a whole lot of name-calling.<br />
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I said very early on, it is a woman's legal right to decide when to become a parent. <br />
Not yours.

Sammy, you are grounded for the rest of the month!<br />
Now go do your homework.

Oh my goodness... FIFTEEN?! You know you said you were nineteen in one of your "I like older women" posts right? The way you reason makes so much sense to me now... As in why 98% of what you say makes none of it. Like... How is me questioning the author of your last post political in any way? Your ability to somehow relate two unrelated topics is fascinating. It's almost like you've got this dictionary with you trying to spit out words that make you sound smart, but you have a real problem with analogies. Abortion is to murder as questioning an author is to... Politics?<br />
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Also, with debate of any kind, you can't be all "I'm rubber and you're glue" about it. You're complaining that I'm pushing my beliefs on you? How? I posted on a PRO CHOICE page and YOU started slinging insults at ME and trying to convince me of how wonderful parenthood should be. Talk about pushing your beliefs on someone. And as far as this rose tinted view of parenthood you described, you may want to learn about the realities of parenthood ob<x>jectively instead of repeating back the sweet stuff your mom says to you because you're her kid. Most parents want grandbabies one day, even if YOU don't want to father them. I wouldn't trust her desc<x>ription as she has something to gain from your lala land view of parenthood.<br />
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I guess I was pretty close to guessing your age though ba<x>sed on the temper tantrum way you write most of your posts. All I can say is that you don't even know what real life is like yet. Being pro choice is so much easier in principal than it is in practice. I don't think anyone even truly knows if their PC or PL until they've been (or gotten someone) pregnant. Maybe one day, if you ever get lucky enough to live a life you thoroughly enjoy to the core, you can understand abortion. But right now, you don't even have the slightest idea what I'd be missing!<br />
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Btw, I put quotations around your arguments because that's still exactly how they come off. Your argument is that I killed my baby and I'm a horrible selfish person for not sacrificing myself followed by a series of bleepity bleepity this and that. And it was that same thing over and over. And FTR you didn't even define straw man correctly and if you want to bring up fallacies, all but your last two full posts were completely consumed by one huge appeal to ridicule. Calling me a bitchface doesn't make my view any less valid.<br />
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And if you feel like I'm bragging, go ahead and think that. I'm tired of being fed lies by a society that perpetuates this view of family life that is so misleading. I'm tired of feeling like my life looses meaning once I'm of child bearing age. I want to help other women not be ashamed about caring for themselves. I don't want kids, and I don't want a body that has born a child, and that is final. End of story. I am worth so much more to this planet child-free than I am as just someones mom.

Does anyone else get the impression that the last post by Sammy was written by someone else? Maybe a friend of his or something? Because first he comes on here with this verbal diharrea throwing out these crazy insults that mean absolutely nothing, then getting all pissed off if someone insults him like he hasn't been saying pretty vile things this whole time. All "arguments" consisted of him saying "you killed your baby" followed by more meaningless insults, and then... This? Where are the 4-5 comments saying the same thing with increasing anger? The fact that this comment is so much more thought out and sensible really makes me wonder. If this is indeed Sammy and not a friend, have you ever been tested for multiple personality disorder? I'm not trying to be cute or I sult you, it's just that people don't go from totally irrational and out of control to THAT in two days time.<br />
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So since you addressed me in a manner that makes more sense, I don't mind answering you. Maybe you and the person with the "putting down the grandparents" comment think I have no value for life at all and that's not true. Maybe you think I thought my baby was just "nothing" and that's not true either. I know full well that I was taking away a life and a future. Although the decision didn't come hard to me, that doesn't mean I didn't find it unfortunate. If having a baby meant that it grew in a tube and was distributed to the correct people afterwards, this would be a totally different story. But I had to choose between the future potential of one person or the certainty of the continued happiness of TWO people. But when being a parent is what makes you happy, it makes that less of a decision and more of a no-brainer. Im not a sicko nor do I get pleasure out of someone elses pain. I think comparing a woman who has an abortion where the baby can't feel or comprehend what is going on is silly when comparing it to killing a sentient person who has full capacity of pain and the concept of betrayal.<br />
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Since you are male, you probably don't know much about birth control but it is such an inexact science. Not only that but they tell you it's 99.9% effective and then they don't give you the 100% truth on how to use it. The health industry makes a LOT of money off childbearing. Did you know BC pills have a 24hr half life? Meaning that if you don't carry a birth control timer around with you, pills in pocket, and take it at the exact same time every day, you've opened yourself up for failure? But no one ever explained this to me. And as soon as they came out with one that has a 36hr half life (Yaz) people started going nuts and saying how bad it was for you? WTF? not only that, but doctors also tell you to start a new pack the Sunday after your cycle ends. This is ba<x>sed off of the assumption that women ovulate 14 days in, bt some women ovulate earlier and he'll, you can still get pregnant even if you're not ovulating anyway. So what the hell is the purpose of allowing women to go days without protection without telling them that that's what's actually happening. Do some more reading into the misinformation given to women about birth control and the reasons health profession ALS have for doing so.<br />
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Basically, if you are against abortion but dont want kids, the chances of you NOT getting pregnant are made slimmer through the fault of others as well. As much as I agree that it's not fair to the kid, I don't think it's fair to women either... I don't think it's fair to me as a person, or my husband. In the end, I did choose life, I chose mine. And I'm not ashamed of that at all- to the point where I become assertive and unapologetic about it because I get so tired o people pushing their own desires and images of a rose-tinted family life on me like I'm some crazy person for not wanting it.

My parents were getting old and it became harder and harder for me to live my life free and happy with them always demanding things. So inconvienient! Wish I could have just taken them to the doctor to be "put down". Why not?<br />
My son cryed and was a bother when he was teething, ...off to the doctor to have him aborted? He really did interfeer with my life. My needs, My wants, My desires and took My money and My time. It is all about me right?<br />
Sometimes my neighbor plays his mucic too high. He has parties and runs his mower too early on Saturday mornings. Maybe I should just go bundle him off to the "doctor" and get him out of my life.<br />
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Murder is murder. <br />
Murder of your own children because you are selfish is a heinous crime. I am glad you have decided not to reproduce. <br />
The world will be better off without your genes.

sammyspade why didnt ur mother abort u when u were still in her?i bet she wishes she did and tells u that all the time . is that why your so bitter? why did u read that story when if has nothing to ******* do with you ?? you have n clue wat you are even talking about , you havent been through it so shut the **** up u nosey **** wat are u even doing here ??<br />
weddedbliss thank you for sharing , i support you 100% . how unselfish of you to not bring a unwanted baby into the world.<br />
i dont want kids either i wish i could find a man that would understand that like yours! <br />
i

My oh my little Sammy. I wouldn't recommend making comments about the mental state of other when a simple search into your recent history on EP turns up these little gems!!<br />
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Yes, I'm perfectly naughty. I'm not a complete pervert, you understand. I think a good woman could whip me into shape and mound me into the perfect young man she desires...I'm devoted to the notion, at this point. I'm pretty submissive, but I'm prepared to take whatever role she wishes for me. i want to have some kinky fun, you know? I just want to find an older woman to pal around with for a while, we could both get something out of it~ I have Msn, Aim, google talk, skype, a cam...ect. If you've read my other confession, you know that I'm a bit of a "milf fan" so a playful, nuturing lady would be best. I'm not looking for any kind of typical bombshell supermodel, you don't have to be ridiculously attractive or anything, just a good friend...&lt;3 please drop me a line if you're interested. I have no intention of cheating, so the woman that picks me up can rest assured that I'll be exclusively hers ^__^<br />
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Oh and this one!<br />
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Hey older women...I know that every typical dime-store pervert hangs around experience project dropping little hints and requests concerning their sexual desires and cravings....but if some woman here would talk to me...well, I don't think she'd be disappointed. Being a teenager, sex is on my mind to an expected extent, but really, all I want is some harmless flirting...<br />
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In the words of Joe Dirt, "What a fa-REAK!"<br />
now THAT, if anything is telling! ROTFLMAO

Hold on... Let me take a second to LAUGH MY A$$ OFF at you....<br />
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What, are you 12 or something? When you say checkmate, usually, that consists of actually beating them at the game, not throwing the chessboard against the wall, saying "I win" like it's true, and run away. If anything it just shows how terrified you are of being proven wrong. And never would I believe that you'd take the time to write all that and run away. Are you aware that all you did here was spew several full comments worth of useless insults which did nothing but negatively impact your "argument?" you sound viciously unstable to me and I suggest you seek help before your misplaced anger lands you in jail for harming a thinking, feeling person (probably over something stupid like taking the last cookie).<br />
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But yes, thank you, me and my georgeous bastard husband will be quite happy indeed. Vacations, amazing careers (the kind that will actually help people, you should try it), perfect bodies, a clean home, and lots and lots of SEX! if I committed such a heinous act then why has God chosen to bless me with a husband who loves the crap out of me and amazing opportunities ahead? I assure you I didn't make a deal with the devil.<br />
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Babies are not like puppies. You can't just pick one up, take it home, and put it in it's crate when it's annoying you. Maybe it's easy for you to lay guilt when you don't have to destroy your body in order to have the child. Maybe you don't care if you have to spend 9 months of people having their eyes and hands all over your hoo-ha. Maybe you have a really high tolerance for pain... Not everyone is like you and not everyone is "ok" with sacrificing so much. And not everyone thinks it's ok to lay that entire burden on women. So I, on the other hand welcome any intelligent debate if you have the sack for it. But of course, we already established that A) I'm an (24 year)old bitter (happy) hag B) you have all this "compassion" for me, yet don't care about my future C) my husband is a bastard D) you care more about unborn babies than born children in need. Besides that, I'd just LOVE to hear what else you have to say. But not too quickly... My rock hard abs still hurt from laughing at your last posts.

It's a good thing my life doesn't revolve around what you think is "charming" isn't it? Actually, I think your use of the word charming is quite telling. You're male aren't you? Please tell us what you consider charming in a woman. I'm willing to bet that one of those "charming" traits you like so much is the ability to sacrifice everything she might want to be in order to give you a progeny. I think your time would be much better spent going around to schools, telling little girls that "You can be anything you want to be!... Well as long as your birth control doesn't fail like millions of other women." Why don't you start with the impressionable ones instead of trying to convince an intelligent woman that I'm wrong for giving a d@mn about my own life. Until you spend countless hours helping children who's mothers were guilted by people like you into not having an abortion and instead sent their kids into the system, your words hold no weight. I find it fascinating how obsessed people are with unborn kids, yet have no concern for the thinking, feeling children who need help so much more. Every second you spend condemning women's choices, is another wasted second you could be helping a needy child. But then again, that would only be true if children are what you're really concerned about- NOT just talking down to people to make yourself feel better.

"unborn babies aren't even safe from their own mothers, how charming."<br />
Ok smarmy a-hole, is life fair? Did anyone say unborn babies/fetuses auto-receive protection "just because"?<br />
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" You wanted to live a life that didn't involved caring for a child, ok, great. So you aborted it...not so great..but then, to really stack your **** in a huge, pig-ugly pile, you came to frickin' experience project and downright BRAGGED about your "freedom""<br />
Yea, they also have "I wet my pants for fun" and "Diapers turn me on" and "I want a kick in the balls (I'd bet, haven't checked), so for each chip a flavor, eh?<br />
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I have more compassion for you than you ever had for that baby. <br />
Obviously, as it's difficult to share compassion with something that isn't actually able to physically exist in this world yet. I doubt I'll see a profile for that baby anytime soon to actually show internet *huggles* with or whatnot.<br />
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Thankfully, you had a flaming loony-tune dream you believe has absolved you somehow. You sick *****, that baby is better off without you. <br />
***** eh? *****....how? For being realistic? For being honest? <br />
Meh, c'est la vie.

I can understand your story, and agree that women are given a lot of BS (especially by other women) about choosing not to have kids. Women aren't baby factories and it's not everyone's priority to conceive. It makes me so mad when people say things like "you're the one who spread your legs!" or "don't want kids, then don't have sex!" As you said, those statements are completely stupid made my stupid people. Things happen even if you're safe- condoms break, birth control can fail, my mother-in-law had an IUD and STILL got pregnant...twice!<br />
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I myself did not want children, I don't know how to act around kids, nor did I ever enjoy being around them, and being responsible for another human's life is a lot of pressure. Unfortunately, I was afraid to tell my husband this until later. Ironically, I was pregnant at the time I admitted it to him. The very first thought and only thought in my mind for weeks was "I don't want it!" I looked into getting an abortion (despite his wishes of being a dad), but neither of us could bring up the money for it, and the time limit for abortion soon closed. <br />
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I too tried to starve myself and even tried the parsley tea trick, but found myself not really wanting to miscarry, especially after my baby began to look more human. I started to look up safe havens in my area and considered giving it up for adoption, but still, my husband protested. So here I am with roughly four months left, and I've pretty much given up on trying to convince him that I really really DON'T want this baby and have resulted to hiding in my delusional fantasy land of false happiness. Each time I try to rely my feelings to him, it's just shrugged off as "oh it's just hormones. You'll be a good mom. You'll love it once it's here.", but I'm still so unsure. I get confused whenever anyone asks me if I'm excited and I just shrug and respond "am I suppose to be?" <br />
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I don't think children should grow up to a parent who may not give them the love and attention they need. I'm not sure what'll happen in the future, but all I can do is hope and try my best. <br />
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Thank you for the post, and being bold enough to step up and say "I'm a woman who doesn't want kids!" Sometimes it can feel a little awkward since this is looked at as freakish in society, and sorry for the long, personal rant, but I really needed to vent that.

The day you become pregnant, andrewcampbell, is the day we will care about your opinion.<br />
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Every woman in this country has the legal right to decide whether or not to be a parent.

Just because YOU may want kids and equate someone having an abortion as if they were killing your own children, doesn't mean that I want children. What do you think is the percentage of people who don't want kids actually living their life without getting pregnant? Birth control is so inexact and unless you find a doctor who is "crazy" enough to sterilize you despite your young age, chances are you will get pregnant anyway. So now, am I supposed to just accept that reality because I am a woman? Try as you might not to, people still get pregnant even after they have their tubes tied sometimes. People still get pregnant after their partners have had a vasectomy too. Besides, who gives you the right to say what women should do considering WE'RE the ones who have to ruin our bodies and go through all that pain. By the way, our government gives me the right, thankfully. It's a good thing too, because I'm sure you'd rather me be barefoot in the kitchen popping out children while my husband is out running around on me because he never wanted children anyway and now all he's got is a wife who's body is ruined by childbirth who is too tired to fulfill his needs. Men... I'm glad mine is not like you.