Entitled To The Life I Want.
I am 24 years old and am happily spending the rest of my life with my best friend who also (thankfully) DOES NOT WANT KIDS! I know that this concept is hard to understand for many, but I've been this way my whole life and I simply don't see it changing. About a month before my husband and I were engaged (summer 09) I realized that I was pregnant, but was in denial about it. At one point I think I even starved myself for a few days hoping that would do the trick. But when I finally came to my senses and re-took my pregnancy test, I made my appointment for the abortion. I felt a "little" guilty but only because I didn't care, and knowing that if I were ever pregnant again, I wouldn't hesitate to have another abortion. I cried once or twice and even prayed for forgivness, but never regretted it. Now, I'm not "religious" but am quite spiritual and I talk to God a lot. I also have very vivid dreams that I tend to take a lot of meaning out of. One of those dreams included what I took as a visit from the spirit of the child. In that dream, I felt an overwhelming feeling of love from the child and no judgement on my choices. If anything, I felt encouraged to live the life that I wanted to live. Many people say that if you are not ready for children, that you should not have sex, and I think that is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard come out of a person's mouth. Sex is not only healthy for you (if you are safe about it) but can be a beautiful expression of love between two people. To deny me that experience with my husband just because I don't want kids is ludacris. Birth control is not always effective and even the slightest slip up can result in a pregnancy. I came looking for a forum like this based on an experience I am currently going through. I found out a little over a week ago that I WAS pregnant, but was however, miscarrying. This town talks a lot and many people have heard about it and want to share their condolances with me. This is fine, but some people seem taken aback that I was relieved to not be pregnant, or what they heard "I'm glad that my baby died." I'm not going to fake grief just for the sake of small town talk. Thankfully, my husband is now getting closer to the age where doctors will allow him to get a vascectemy, which we will be doing very very soon so that this doesn't happen again. Many of you will think I am selfish, and you know what, you're right. I absolutley LOVE my life and why should I accept something into it that I generally don't even like being around? Everyone always talks about the baby's future... well, what the F about MY future?! Do women's futures stop becoming relevant as soon as they are able to have kids? Not only that, but pregnancy is very hard on a woman's body and can sometimes to irrepairable damage, and I shouldn't have to go through with all that if I don't want to. I should be able to choose a life without children and a body that has never birthed a child even if I accidentally get pregnant. I am as unapologetic as they come about this. My vagina is MY vagina and nobody else has the right to tell me what should and shouldn't be coming out of it.