Probably Insane?

Yes, I am probably insane.  If you have read any of my confessions, you would agree.  I believe insanity means having a processor in your head that does not filter emotions and experiences in a healthy and productive way.  This malfunctioning processor manifest itself in self-destructive behavior, the inability to form close emotional relationships, and irrational fears.  Usually repeated childhood trauma coupled with a weak or over-sensitive nature breaks the processor.  So what normal people feel in unusually stressful or fearful situations the insane person feels almost all the time.  So the insane person must develop escape mechanisms to deal with the constant "bad" feelings.  Substance abuse is probably the most common way of escaping.  The emotional dependence also becomes a physical one and the compulsion to escape becomes over whelming.  In many cases the processor can not be fixed, but there are a few expectations.

One who is not insane does not realize one fundamental aspect of insanity.   While an insane person's behavior may not always appear crazy or unreasonable, it does not mean the processor is working, that the insanity is gone.   Many insane people learn to at least temporarily compensate for the broken brain.   Like an alcoholic who can appear functional, able to keep a job, develop relationships it is only a cover.  Many insane persons learn from observation and socialization how to appear sane, how to operate among sane persons like a foreigner aping the foreign culture hoping to acculturate.  But the insanity is still there and will eventually become manifest in behavior and emotions.  Insanity is not periodic but continual.

I believe insanity can not be "cured."  Only coping strategies that allow and insane person to function in everyday life will work.  An insane person must accept the broken processor and adjust in best possible way.   For Example;  abstain from drugs and alcohol,  stay out of unhealthy relationships, stay as stress free as possible, accept outbreaks of the insanity without totally losing your equilibrium.    Like a blind man living without being able to see, a paralyzed man unable to walk, or a ugly person living with a malformed countenance,  and insane person has to accept and adjust.

heartman heartman
46-50, M
6 Responses Feb 28, 2010

This is the best explanation of insanity I have ever read. I have been insane most of my life due to severe childhood abuse and torture during my formative years. I have worked very little in my life, because I could not function very well. I lost my mind when I was very young. I live alone but I get lonely so sometimes I let a homeless person rest on my sofa or I visit with an insane neighbor. Insane people feel comfortable together.

koyptakh, You make some excellent points. If under extreme duress, like in war, you commit an act of violence you would not "normally" do it does not mean you went temporarily insane. It only means you reacted as a normal person would to survive under extreme circumstances. Many, if not most, soldiers (contrary to movie myth) can return from war and function sanely, though they may have changed in some ways. There are some individuals where the experience of war is so traumatising that the processor becomes damaged and their behavior and emotions are not within the normal range (as you expressed it). For example they may over react to someone's negative comment by physically attacking or becoming maniac. One would expect even a normal person to react out of the normal range in very unusual circumstances, but once in a normal environment that same person would return to sanity unless the event so overwhelmed their ability to process it emotionally, they were damaged for life.

Hi heartman<br />
Is your model of mental health one which says you are either sane or insane and that there is a normal range of sane behavior and an abnormal outer range in which people are insane. What if you move from one to another under duress. Is it then sane and normal to behave in an insane and abnormal way? For example in a war or any stress? It is certainly typical to react adversely to adverse circumstances and these are a part of everyone's lives.<br />
You seem well ordered to me. You recognize where you are in terms of happiness and unhappiness and manage your interaction of mind and reality. That is as good as it gets isn't it? <br />
:)

I believe what you say that true insanity cannot be cured. I agree. I am not sure you are insane to be able to write such a well thought out thing describing your insanity, although one can be smart in a sociopathic way and still be insane so maybe i agree

I most be to cause i am being told what i cant do and what i must do and the people are strangers to me,and they have made me a big part of their lives so far by taking notice of me 24/7 and they are well respected members of the public and they call me nutty what do you think as they just cant ignore me they cant do anything but pay notice of all i do even converstations they listen to like made fans and they even want to take it out on the old just to get to me as i am staying with some people of a certain age so they want to drive them out as this group has so much time on their hands to intimdate people to do as they fel the need to do.......

I most be to cause i am being told what i cant do and what i must do and the people are strangers to me,and they have made me a big part of their lives so far by taking notice of me 24/7 and they are well respected members of the public and they call me nutty what do you think as they just cant ignore me they cant do anything but pay notice of all i do even converstations they listen to like made fans and they even want to take it out on the old just to get to me as i am staying with some people of a certain age so they want to drive them out as this group has so much time on their hands to intimdate people to do as they fel the need to do.......