First let me start off by saying I do believe in God. I was raised Jewish or somewhat Jewish, We really only went to the Temple on holidays (but to give my parents credit we lived in Germany and the closet temple was 2 hours away)and seemed like my parents really only spoke about it if it would benefit them, or make them look good.
When I was a teenager I started dating a Baptist preacher son, so I started going to that church and joining. But once his son broke up with me and went to Drugs it seemed like the church had turned on me. I went to a Catholic church a lot with my best friend but was always confused about the Catholic religion. My husband is Methodist so we started going to a Methodist church I really enjoyed the music and the singing, but once I got sick I had a lot of excuses not to go and slowly we just stopped going all together.
Like I said before I do believe in God, but it is very easy for me to start doubting him since I have been so ill. People tell me remember God only gives you what you can handle, I stopped handling the pain several years ago. I have tried to hand it over to God but I always take it back. The bigger problem I am having now is that my children are just like me when it come to religion and I do not want them to have the confusion and I do not want the confusion.