My Son, The Man!

The Sunday that I left my husband of nearly thirty years my son Tim was there. He stayed downstairs during much of the time I was upstairs emptying my closet. He would come outside with me to help me pack my car. The sadness on his face was breaking my heart and I asked him if he wanted me to stay. ''No, mom'' he kept reassuring me, ''you have to go''. We hugged each other for a long time and then I went towards my new life.
That evening I received a call from one of my best friends. She had been Tim's babysitter and we had always remained close friends. Tim regards her as a second mother and still confides in her. He had called her to tell her of the conversation he had just had with his dad. It seems that after I left Tim read his father the riot act. He told him that he loved him even less than I did at the moment. He also informed him that he was moving out in September for the start of the new school year. He told his father that if he didn't change he could write him out of his life forever. He said that if he saw that his father was making sincere efforts to change than he would come home on week-ends, and call him every once in a while. He made it clear to his father that the ball was in his court, that it was his responsibility to build a relationship with him. He also told him that he had to repair his relationship with Jay, his older brother. He told his father that Jay had been looking for the father he had when he was a small boy for years now. He told him how much the loss of that father had hurt Jay.
His conversations with his father continue almost daily. Tim has told me that he sometimes feels uncomfortable having his father open up to him because he still regards him almost as a stranger. When his father told him that my leaving would probably scar Tim for life, Tim reminded his father that he was 21 years old and that he had known since he was a small boy that his parents wouldn't stay together forever.
Tim has come to visit me twice since I have left, both times spending the day. He is still getting used to the different atmosphere in this house and he  getting more comfortable with my new/old love and his family. I can tell that he enjoys the lively conversations around the supper table. I can also tell how he watches the interaction between my new/old love and his own son.
I know that he feels comfortable here because as he was leaving on Saturday he said ''bye mom, I'm going back to the house''. I answered, ''don't you mean you are going back home?''  To which he replied, ''no mom, home is where you are''!
My son, I am so very proud of him!
jojewel jojewel
56-60, F
12 Responses Jul 19, 2010

You are so right, Reflections! I marvel at how much my children have taught me!

"Home is where you are" .... what an emotionally intelligent young man<br />
<br />
We sometimes tend to underestimate how our adult children have viewed our relationship with their fathers. My son is now 37 and daughter is 41 ... they encourage me to have my own life ... <br />
<br />
We all have a process we go through ... <br />
I pray for all of us

Thank you, AC! I'm mostly proud of my boys, they impress me

You reap what you sow. You should be proud of yourself!!

Thank you for your good wishes, Six! The admiration is mutual!

I have always admired you JJ. You have raised sons it is easy to be proud of. I am so happy for you and hope you continue to live a life of joy.

He sure has, DayPassion!<br />
Thank you, RedLady. I still don't trust my stbx, but it helps to know that my sons are trying to re-build a relationship with their father.

Oh wow JO! I'm soo happy for you and I'm so glad that it has worked out so well.

He has a great heart.

Thank you, Enna. I do believe that you are right. I also believe that this would not have been possible if I had stayed. Both my sons have been talking to their father and they do not accept any of his justifications. They are both giving him a serious wake up call. I am so proud of both of them!<br />
(((((HUGS)))))) to you too!!!

JJ, I'm not at all surprised that your son is a beautiful person. He is a reflection of his wonderful mother. And maybe, just maybe, he can help your husband heal in some ways that were not previously possible for him . . . {{{Hugs}}}

Thank you,Lifeinthecloud. <br />
(((((HUGS))))) back to you!!!!