I'm Proud To Be The Only Person On Ep Who's Proud To Be Bi!!!! Lol

I came out as semi-openly bisexual about 2 years ago. I think my disapproving parents know (I put it on fb for their benefit, HA. Thats what them bitchez get for creeping! :P) but we do NOT talk about it.

It took me a loooong time to figure out what the hell was going on with my sexual orientation lol.

Because of this, I missed out on some really important milestones in terms of my psycho-sexual / emotional / romantic development & I'm still struggling to catch up. :(

I'm more resentful than I want to be of my poor misguided parents who caused these issues (& much confusion, self-doubt, & distress...) by brainwashing me throughout my life with their unfounded dogmatic claims. My parents still insist to this day:

1) Bisexuality is even more of a "hoax" than homosexuality

2) It's totally not determined by genetics (Well, my uncle WAS gay from earlyyyy on. That was also an active choice apparently even though he & his "family" of jehovahs witnesses believed homosexuality is caused by demon possession and all behaviors & thoughts MUST be suppressed. One faces excommunication otherwise...)

3) LGBTs are trying to "confuse" children to push their "agendas." Kids MUST have a MOTHER & a FATHER to have a healthy childhood...

4) It's just "wrong."

Biologically and OF COURSE religiously wrong. <= This one is really infuriating considering they identify as "Christian" (I stopped 4 years ago) yet they haven't read a Bible in over 30 years (Yo I ain't complainin' about that) and they are Christmas churchgoers.

(Not even Christmas-Easter!!! Lol)

It upsets me because they are making me suffer over something to which they are hardly committed! (& certainly not "conventionally" committed...) Why the **** are they trying to have ME adhere to THEIR "religion" which THEY don't even adhere to?!?! AHHHHHH- *artificially calm face* *sigh*

Crap, this is branching into a religion post now... Hmmm...

Anyway, I am proud to say that I hardly give a **** about tiptoeing around them anymore. It's a point I've been trying to get to for a while & it's amazing I got there considering the choke-hold they had on this poor, blindly Jesus-loving, only child's mind. :P

The only time I talked about it with my mom was when I was 15. I was dreadfully in love with my best friend & was wrenched away from her to move hours away. I didn't believe I was bi, because my parents insisted it was a choice that bored, perverted people make. I knew I wasn't ever going to "make that choice" so, despite what my body was telling me, I just KNEW I wasn't bi... Lol

I finally got the courage, somehow, to tell my mom that I was really depressed because I missed this girl so much. I wanted to be able to see her more often, or at least explore my feelings. I told my mom tearfully that it felt EXACTLY the way my first unrequited boy-crush (lasted 7 freaking years) felt & I really thought I was in love with her despite what all my learned "logic" dictated.
The ***** just laughed in my face. Not even a derisive, manipulative laugh. Just a laugh like it was hilarious! I was FURIOUS & told her I'd never tell her anything ever again. (she kept laughing) & I still haven't. For years, because of that & my upbringing in general, I was limited as to how I could categorize these strange feelings. So, I just put them in the back of my head because my inability to classify & define them troubled me so much.

When I came out, it turns out that all of my peers had known but me. LMFAO I WAS SO SHOCKED!

Retrospectively, I've liked girls since a very young age & remember getting butterflies & daydreams from a kiss on the cheek & even having "naughty" dreams about girls as early as age 10.

Right now, my plan is to do whatever I want & hit up ALL the ladies in terms of casual interaction :D
I won't actively seek a girlfriend because I don't feel it's absolutely necessary. My parents have made a ton of sacrifices for me so that's one I can make for them, at least right now.
If an amazing girl appears out of nowhere however, I'm not gonna let her go & I'm prepared to face the consequences.

Oh yeah, & just to recapitulate lol: I feel like I worked REALLY hard to figure out & accept my status & so...

I am VERY proud to be BISEXUAL!!! :D :D :D

DoctorBlueDream DoctorBlueDream
22-25, F
Dec 2, 2012