Black Dog

I don't remember much from my childhood, the things I do remember seem impossible, from ages seven to nine I realized what everyone's reality was and what they expected of me, I hated thinking that to be accepted I'd have to become more like them, I got really sick on and off for a few years, It was pneumonia so it affected my lungs greatly, there were a few times when I hated everyone enough that I was free to leave, there was no reason for me to suffer any longer, I didn't care how sad everyone would be, so I stopped breathing long enough to die, and I don't think this is something you can do with just will power alone, the pneumonia did most of the work, right around when I was leaving my body that's when I saw an enormous black dog emerge from my closet, the initial fear I felt was outweighed by the amount of love that was pouring off of this being, I knew I had to stay, it wanted me to stay, and I wanted it to be happy, it also showed me that my mother would be lost, there were a few more episodes similar to this, the dog always appeared a little taller than waist height about six or seven feet long and sometimes its eyes would be glowing red other times they would be indistinguishable from its silhouette, I see it from time to time, its good to know he is around, I say he but I'm not really sure of its gender but onetime he spoke in my mind and his voice sounded harsh and raspy, I know we have some sort of past life connection, our relationship then is uncertain to me, it seems to be some sort of guardian figure now, or my representation of death, every time I'm sincerely about to die he appears and redirects me, about a year ago I was climbing down this huge sewer drain and his red eyes appeared about halfway down in the shadows the rest of him materialized as he walked towards me, he told me telepathically that I would die if I continued and that I should rethink this decision, I also started to see a young girl when I was sick, very pale, long dark hair, and she honestly looks like that girl from the ring, like same white night gown and all, she was around the same age as I was, but she always scared me, she would walk past my door and I would act like I didn't see her, but then she would peek around the corner of my door at me until I acknowledged her, She wants me to help her somehow, last time she appeared was about a year ago, I felt something in the room with me, so I shut my eyes hoping I wouldn't see it, then I felt a cold hand in mine, when my eyes opened she was standing there looking directly into them, her eyes were desperate for help while a huge dark shadow appeared from the corner by the door and billowed towards us, it blacked out all the way from the floor to the ceiling a good eight or nine feet, I closed my eyes and I believe I tried to call for my mother, all I know is that it scared me enough to shut down parts of my mind, I have been working on opening them back up since, I know we too were connected threw past experiences, I feel intense emotions when she is present, not just fear and overwhelming sadness, I can tell that I love her, how our paths intertwined is uncertain, but this is complicated I don't even know where to begin, the shadow could mean so many things, it could be an oppressive human entity, It could be symbolic for a drug addiction that I probably helped spark, the shadow could be an alternate me from another time, or worst case scenario it could be a Demon and in that case it doesn't want anything, all I know is that this girl is going to be restless until I figure something out, its my karma, somewhere along the lines I made decisions that got us into this situation, the pneumonia killed me in a recent life I believe, and I almost let it kill me again, it may have been some kind of portal threw which all of this stuff is tied, I am glad I got sick and all of this has come forth, not I can resolve it, I am also glad I never saw that shadow when I was younger, it probably would have given me an absolute aversion to the unknown, your advice means a lot thanks.
ssikca ssikca
Oct 28, 2011