Mentally Becoming One

One thing I have learned from life is that as long as we don't accept ourselves how can we expect others to accept us.  I was born intersexed. I was however not even aware.  I just knew some how that being feminine was where I was comfortable. I was raised as a boy. Given guilt by my parents and relatives about having girlish feelings.  They managed to make me feel guilty about wanting to wear dresses and skirts.  I grew up knowing I was not comfortable in the male role.  I cross dressed and threw lots of wardrobes away. I actually began to believe I had two personalities.

While in alcohol rehab I was diagnosed with dual personalities. I was trying so hard to not let one personality over run the other. I was in the military and making it a career.  I did all I could to deter the femininity that I craved.

As I grew older I was in conflicT. I had to let the feminine out but it was wrong for a male to want to be so feminine. Wasn't I taught well?  Prejudiced against my own being.

I went to a self help class and discovered that I couold be me. It took me a long time to accept my true self. I learned to meld the two genders together and discovered that being female was very comfortable for me.

I read of others trying to express themselves as two people or a brother and sister in one body.  I say to them it is only you, learn to let yourself be you and everything will come together

Micayla Micayla
61-65, F
5 Responses Mar 4, 2009

Beautiful story! You struggled for a long time but finally came into harmony with your identity, I'm very happy for you!

I was born intrsexed, both genitalia, no tests were available when I was born.

It is a great accomplishment to finally acknowledge and accept that one can be two and live in harmony with each other. It is fantastic that you have finally found the answer to your many questions.

I can related to this as I was born intersexed and was raised as female but I am male and now live as one.

Sounds like you've had a hard time. I do have a question though.<br />
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How does someone know that they are psychologically female if they are not female? Could you not just be a man who likes womanly things? Could the emphasis put on what boys or girls should do by society be the thing that makes you feel like you have to be two people? I mean if you were a young boy who was allowed to be who was never pushed into the gender stereotypes do you think you would have had these personality problems?<br />
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I am not being disrespectful by asking I fully accept and support your right to live however you wish and am very happy because it sounds like something that you have gradually come to learn to accept. :D