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Can I Be Queer?

I am going to lay it out there and see where the chips fall. I am a 24 year old man and have been with my partner (female) for 8 years. I enjoy sexual activity with her and I have fathered a son, for whom my love knows no end. However, I am living a lie. I am attracted to men, and when in a "safe environment", I can truly be who I am and express myself as queer. I just came out to my wife who was supportive and while I don't see the need right now to come out to others, I am just wondering if there is anyone you know or resources you are familiar with regarding married men who are queer? When in the company of hetero men, I can't be myself. I find myself changing my mannerisms and being more "masculine" to appease the crowd. I am most comfortable when I am with others who share my experiences. I have never had sex with a man, but have attractions to men and am completely open (within the boundaries of my partnership with my female partner) to having relations with a man. Please help...I feel like my identity has crumbled.
queeraz queeraz 21-25 3 Responses Feb 13, 2008

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The 2 previous posts above are excellent responses. I am queer & my wife has long known. There are some fine resources available for men wishing to find discreet gay oriented venues. Try the GLBT listings in your city. They can be of great assistance. Good luck!

Sure, you could be queer. I think it's great that you told your wife - I hope she was cool with it. You're certainly not alone in being married to a woman and finding yourself attracted to men. Women married to men also sometimes find themselves attracted to other women. I wish society made it easier for you to be yourself when in the company of straight men, but homophobia is still very real. As far as groups for other married men with a similar experience, I don't know of any, but I bet many queer folk can relate - in some way or another we all have to deal with other people's expectations for us. (I'm queer myself, so feel free to talk to me about anything.)

Being a woman i have no idea...but as to resources perhaps google.From a womans point of view...you should be very open with your wife about experimenting with men,and be safe...if ya know what i mean.I bluch for having the temrity to comment on this when i dont know anything aboutit never having faced the problem.Goodluck