Look Ahead And See Nothing

Right now I have to accept what I have. A warm home, my kittynurse, and my bf who is far away but "virtually" as close as possible lol.

Mmmmm nyquil caps.. I had to stop buying those because I like them sooo much..

It gets better, this too shall pass... If you need anything I am here.

so many on here care about you, as evidenced by the responces. you need to take care of kitty. i know the troubles of god/jesus. believe whatv you did when you were 4. before you were programmed by church and fear. love yoursel as you do others

It's healthy to keep questioning, and you do brighten people's days. I've laughed more than once when you post something silly, and feel sad when you're posting something more reflective and sad.

kitty i feel your pain....im sending you lots of hugs postive energy your way....

and just to let you know, even if you have children they may not take care of you.. i have a child, but i dont see being the type who would want to care for their mommy in old age... i know how it feels to be all alone, its a tuff road to walk... ((((::::hugs:::::))))

Aww....my Kitty :( the enemy promises only death and destruction, God promises ....____ and ____. If anyone knows the answer #1, you do. Love you much! (((HUGS)))

Your writing doesn't suck .. it may seem to you.. but it is from your heart and it lets us .. yes us those that bother to be on here to interact with other people who may be thousands of miles away or much closer and understand your and my motives and emotions.. That is what this crazy world and most in it do not do is to reach out in response to heart felt emotions.. they are too busy watching Opry .. ha ha ssoorrry. and ladygaga... gag .. so there is hope and if you don't know what the ending will be.. many of us don't either.. so now your and my only hope is to cope with the loneliness and try to offset that with sharing heart felt writing.. don't give up or give in. There was a Greek mythological character named Sysiphus. ?? sp.. he rolled rocks up a mountain and when he got to the top the rock would roll back downand he would go down and roll it back up .. and it would roll down,.. Pink Floyd or Yes.. ?? Yes I think did a piece of music titled Sysiphus.. so in my opinion life is more than rock and roll.. get it.. haha I meant it in terms of what Sysiphus was doing.. then Yes we would all feel like giving up.. but every sunrise and sunset is unique there never has been ones like them and what happens in our lives every day is unique too. It could only happen to us and our feelings and emotions are unique too like our finger prints.
Life isn't random in my opinion. It has a rhythm and flow to it- an ebb and flow.. seasons and storms rain and cold yet warm sunshine and warmth on our skin and in our hearts at seeing the marvel of a sunset or a sunrise.. watching the tides come in and go out.
I believe in God the creator and a personal God that had a baby boy born to a virgin don't laugh it only happened once and that baby became an adult who gathered carpenters like himself and his father and fishermen like a man named John and the other men who followed him to recieve his message of love and kindness toward even our enemies.. meanking those who are mean and ugly and do unkind things in a world that hasn't changed much in that respect since a little over 2000 years ago.. They had taxes from a remote insensitive government and we do too... things aren't that much different from then. so you see you can't give up I can tell it hurts you but we have armor that is a defense against being hurt like that.. it is a confidence that there is a plan and we are part of it in the way things should be and maybe one day will be .. universal peace is a dream that I do not believe we will see until a new age comes when Jesus returns and no one not any preacher that claims he knows. that is not possible;. yes I have years of Bible education and I will never give up or give in to my dull senses and brain if they feel like giving up.. There are truths or truth in this world and governments don't have it.. didn't in Roman and Greek times and not now either. So we are left to believe in ourselves ,.,.. not a good idea totally that is,... we can believe we are important to others or to ourselves, but we are not central to what is important in this world.. God is and paying some thanks to him for the sunrise this morning the one I didn't get up and see but now know that it happened regardless.. or the sunset that I hope will happen tonight.
#* the clock work of the planets and moons ours for instance is not random in any way .. take the 28 day cycle of a woman's fertility and how it ..;the 28 day cycle affects other plants and animals.. Things in nature are not random.. Neither are we.. hug.. ** this from an Okie.. haha keep smiling tomorrow will happen probably and it will be unique not one like it.. ;like you .. you are unique. don't give in I get depressed too but there are sunrises.. and sunsets that are seen through the eyes of artists and they make grand paintings and videos of it.. only capturing what can only briefly be captured and only by them at that moment.

I'll just give you a big hug, as I have nothing to add on Lowridergirl's great reply. :-)

Kitty, I sympathise very much with your story. I feel like that often too. Don't care about being productive or not, the system we have created wants us to feel guilty if we are not productive (=slaves to the wage).
You have someone you love, he is much more miles away physically that you would like, but you love him, and nobody can take this feeling away from you. And most important, you have got yourself, a beautiful person, with a kind heart, lost in a world that has gone mad, a world you don't understand.

Your a wonderful person, I dont know you in real life but I do sense your heart on EP. And you really honestly don't give yourself enough credit - whoever you are in real life or if this is you, either way, everything is an extension of YOU. There will never be another single soul out there who believes in the things you do, who likes the same movies, the same quotes, been through the same experiences, has the same situations, same morals, same tattoos (or no tattoos) and that by definition is YOU and YOU only, nobody can take it away and nobody can say what you are otherwise, sometimes its only an illusion when other people have power over you like that. Once your gone, that's it, nobody can ever replace you... your not a handbag.

Don't think of it as being stuck... mmm you prolly think that way now but try to think of it as you have been misplaced for awhile.... And sometimes that is OK because you need that in your life every now and then to reflect if those are the kinds of people you want in life... who knows? I know this is generic but maybe it happened for a reason? Sometimes weird things happen to show people's true colors, I think something was trying to protect you. I really do. If it happens though, it prolly was because that person was by far not right for you.. for whatever reason... I personally have always had weird things happen in life, but when I look back on it, I think it was prolly for a good reason. I have had some bad friends in my life and it took really odd events in life to show me their true colors. And thank God I found out before it was too late for me.

I am 25 and still think the way you do, I had a guy tell me once (about a week ago) that I am getting older and its time to decide what is mine. I think if I dont have kids I am not ever going to have a family. Always stuck in broken relationships that really seem to never get anywhere, either they are:

a) WAY too dependent
b) have a secret wife and kids I dont know about
c) are a*holes by nature but of course I dont find this out until too late
d) leave me because I am "too nice" and "too polite" (they need a woman to treat them like crap to feed some sort of sick desire to be shat upon, although I have no idea what kind of person WANTS to be screamed at every day of their lives, but honestly some men love this, just as some women love the feeling of being used, some men do that to.) Unfortunantly I am not that type of women for those men lol.

.....

the one I am with now, I love him a lot but he still has a lot of growing up to do, sometimes he can be really bipolar but the problem is he is also VERY smart. So I dont know if its bipolar or just plain manipulation sometimes when he goes back and fourth like that all of a sudden so dramatically. I feel stuck just as you are right now because it just seems like we are not getting anywhere. He does not generally care for his health, he isn't a bad person just doesn't exactly care about himself like he should. This leaves me feeling alienated and exhausted most of the time. I dont even have money to take care of myself let alone somebody else. On one hand I want to care FOR him but on the other hand I have to take care of myself, this leaves me confused for the most part and feeling like a bad guy..

so sometimes I feel like I am going to end up alone to.

...........................

Anyways back to your situation think of what I said above because you really are an amazing person! And I dont even know you in real life but I do know that no one can replace you so please embrace who you are and live while you can. Honestly love life for yourself and nobody else because nobody else is going to do it for you.

((HUGS))))))

Look Kitty. You interact with people.....you leave your mark. You don't have to find a cure for cancer or end world hunger to feel that have led a productive life. Your future is not yet written. One never knows what tomorrow brings. The point to living is to live and be as happy as you can make yourself and to have some sort of impact on others. I think you have done the later pretty good here.