I see nothing but a boring, unfulfulling, unproductive, painful life for my future. A life without a partner. No productivity, no friends, just me alone in this house. I've tried to have the life I want but it never panned out. I don't want to grow old alone but it looks like thats going to happen. I don't have children to take care of me. I don't see the point of living except I do not know what happens after death. I know this writing sucks. I feel numb. But still feel pain, shock. I'm in limbo and no one to wake me up. Right now my friend is Nyquil caps. It takes the pain away.