My Shyness Is Making My Life Worse And So Depressing

Shyness is everyone's problem, but mine is worst. I am a quiet person and much like a shy introvert. I've been very shy since I was in my elementary and it gets worse as I mature. Now, I'm 22, male, and my shyness is really really bad.

When I'm still in school, I always get this nervousness. It's really hard for me to communicate with people especially during groupings in class. I feel stress out and nervous when talking in front of my classmates. I feel that I'm judged. I always feel awkward when interacting with people I'm not familiar. This shyness is making me so sad and depressed that I almost want to kill myself and not exist. Because of my social interaction problems, I've reached my breaking point. I've stopped schooling. I only have one year to finish college and it's really depressing for me. The problem is, I had a hard time in interacting with people in my OJTs that I gave up continuing my studies. It's really frustrating cause I've had good grades but my anxiety is keeping me from growing. Now I'm undergraduate and unemployed. I don't know If I can get a job or even work with people if i had a job. I feel that my life is going nowhere. I feel envy on my friends who had graduated. I'm not since talking to them for a year now cause I feel insecure and ashamed that I stop schooling because of being so shy.

Sometimes, I wish I was different that I'm confident. I always imagine how my life would be if I was not me. Everyday of my life I feel insignificant. I know my mom is very disappointed to me cause of I've stopped schooling. But she's a very loving mom cause she never get so angry at me when I decided to stop studying. Now, I don't what my life would be. My shyness is always holding me back. I feel so bad about myself and I end up crying. I feel so alone and worthless. I hope you can help me get some courage and positive to people like me whose shyness is making our life miserable.
warriortears warriortears
9 Responses Dec 3, 2012

well you can start again,you're the only one who can help yourself. I have a bad childhood experience,when I was at my grade1,society judgement me because of my looks,I dont have everything,no one wants to talk to me because Im the centerd of bullying.Its okay for me,no matter what they said but it came to the point that they hurt me physically.I was hospitalized in that situation then I have to stopped.But when I came back,everyone change but the same situation.Imagined, even they are not my classmate they hate,Then grade3,the school expelled me even its not my fault.Then up to high school,they treated me about their projects.they used me but I don't care I have to survived. I have a promised to my mama that I will never get into troubled,that the school will never expelled me again..and i want her to be happy.Help yourself to stand again =) GOD bless and smile =)

Had the same problem when I was your age and was not able to get it under control. How I defeated mine, was I had the chance to teach. It was terrible, but it was the only way I could get me out of it. Take some teacher classes where you have to get up in front of others, it is the only way to get you out of your shyness, it was the only way out of mine. Once you exit that shell, you will suprised how much your life will open up.
As far as not being you, you will be suprised how much 'you' have to offer others.
When I was in my 20's, I was the same way, at 62, I am sorry I waited so long to fix it.

my advise to you, it's something that worked for me. First thing you should do so you will feel ok with people looking at you, talking to you, is to become comfortable with who you are. You can deffinitely change yourself, if you're not comfortable with who you are right now. You can start with looks. By looking good and knowing that, you'll know that people are looking at you, because they like you. This will help to your public speaking too, they listen to you, because they like you. And start smiling more, people like the ones that smile.
That's all I can do for you - advice you. Good luck

I was when very young but at 14 I had an epiphany as so simple as who cares what they think. I know it can not be so simple for all and I am so outgoing that I soo.... feel for you. I hope you can manage cause there is alot of greatness out there if you sift through the garbage, and let's face it. really who cares what they think if they are not worth you caring. You know internally you are worthy, that really is the place to start

There was a guy in my class, he was really shy. Whenever someone tried to talk to him, he would try to ignore or reply really fast. He wasn't rude, but many started to stay away from him because of this. I thought it was really unfortunate, because he was a part of our class - why leave him out?
One day, I had to pair with him for a school project. It was a really big one, so we spent a lot of time together and slowly by time, I saw another side of him. He was still shy, but something was different. And when I had gained his trust, I tried to help him. I tried to find out what to do to make him more confident among big groups of people, cause I knew how he really was and could be now.
Long story short, I found some books and papers about how to be assertive. I even wrote about it to get more into it, because I don't have the same problem as him. If you want to, I can show you some thing that might help or you can find it for yourself :)
Hey, this is the start, and you are doing well, cause.. Well, you are here, aren't you? :)
Sorry for the super long reply, Ehehe...

can I be your friend too? :)

As miserable I am, this actually made me smile. Thank you.
Oh and of course you can :)

Ahhmmm... I can't add you as a friend here in EP? Why is that?

I can't add you either. Can't even look at your profile...

that's because in your settings, it's automaticaly set that you can't watch people's over 18 and in this guy's case - people under 18.
You can change that manually, just go to profile settings and I think it's on the 1st page that option, but if you'll search good enough - you'll definitely find it.

Thank you! I have changed my settings but nothing happens... I have contacted EP support, hopefully they know what to do :)

yeah, good luck with that =)

4 More Responses

Hello warriortears,

I have to tell you a bit about myself. To most people I am an extrovert. I laugh a lot, joke a lot and I am never afraid of coming up to people. What they don't know is that back in junior high, I was awfully shy and all my attempts of making friends were very awkward and went flat most of the time (I hated junior high haha!). I used to fall down a lot in public too and it ashamed me more than anything. And then, I had this brilliant idea to fake it so no one would notice my awkwardness.

I am 19 years old, 8 years have gone since junior high and I am not at all the shy and embarrassed girl. I've been in college for two years and I was one of the "alpha-females" both years, I really didn't try though. I try not to make friends with everyone because I know that deep inside, I am still very shy and very afraid of everyone.

In short, everyone is shy around you, there are no confident people, we are just faking it and some do it better than everyone, so much better in fact they don't even realize they are faking it because they became it. You just have to fake it at first and you'll see, one day, you won't even see it but you would be different. Trust me. Good luck Warriortears, I know you can make it.

I can relate, but im starting to change. Its a choice you have to make. You can feel all that fear,let it overcome you and stop you from expressing yourself.Or you be secure in self and build up more relationships and finish your study. My advice would be to get rid of you ego, thats whats controlling you now. Those subconcious habits you choose to feel like Fear of failure or rejection.

I am sorry for what you have gone through. If your mother or anyone you could ask has the money, maybe try and get medication for anxiety. This might help you live up to your full potential socially and be happier. Whether or not that idea appeals to you, my advice is to seek out nice looking people and scary as it is, try reaching out in small ways and building up over time. I wish you well and I hope you end up being happier

I don't know If a medication would be good for me, I don't want people or my family to feel that I'm crazy or something. Having you giving advice means a lot for me. I think this site is my only outlet to open my problems. Anyways, I appreciate you trying to help me. :)

It is imperative that you talk to a professional and find your voice. Make a personal goal to finish school even if its in bits and pieces, because I believe a Success like that would give you great self esteem. You only have a year left? it is agony being shy, i understand, but keep your eye on the prize! Remember, most of the time people are not even remotely thinking about you since they're so wrapped up in themselves. Do NOT be self conscious. You Have The Right to Breathe and Eat and Be Happy like Everyone Else!!

Thank you for the advice. It really feels good having someone to care about my situation even it's just like this. I've been in depression for a year and half now. I'm always inside the house now and I have no one to tell my problems the fact that I'm shy to do it personally. It feels good having someone that I don't know cares to read my post. Thank you so much.