I Hate It.

I hate how it takes a while for me to make a friend.
I hate it when any conversation I'm in with an acquaintance dribbles down into awkward silence.
I hate how, for a while, my closest friend was my dog.
I hate knowing that all my friends are a year older than me.
I hate the fact that they're all going to be gone next year.
I hate the idea of having to try and find a group of friends all over again.
I hate how I grimace when a teacher says "Group project."
I hate it when my socially-adept classmates look at me with pity, as if I'm mentally incompetent for not speaking out.
I hate feeling like I have duct-tape around my mouth and jaw.
I hate the look my choir teacher gives me for not being loud enough or bossy enough.
I hate not having anyone to vent to, in real life.
I hate it when I feel more comfortable sitting alone.
I hate how shaky I get when I speak in front of others.
I hate it when I'm glad a group of people forgets about me.
I hate being referred to as "Ginger" when no one can remember my name.
I love to express it all with writing and art...when I'm alone.
RedheadedWhippersnapper RedheadedWhippersnapper
13-15, F
4 Responses Mar 5, 2013

Try looking at your zodiac sign. That is how I've come to accept myself. Think of it as we have to balance each other out. You know we're all different. Who wants to be the same??
So my last step for accepting myself would be to get my Taurus tattoo.

If someone is not willing to try to be your friend, they are not worth your time. Someone who is willing to dig into you is worth keeping.
Silence is rare and should be a beautiful thing.

Alright, I figured that since it's the end of the school-year, I'd give a follow-up:
I befriended a group of people shortly after I wrote this, but I wasn't happy. They were nothing like me at all. If someone else had bad grammar, they'd judge them as a person because of it. They'd laugh when I wore anything other than jeans and a t-shirt. They'd constantly pick on this one tall, obese friend in our group, who really has quite enough to deal with at home. So I left.

I met one girl, Savana, and we were friends rather quickly. She was popular, but not the air-head kind. She eventually invited me to eat lunch with her friends, and I began to stay there. These people are a lot kinder than my previous group, and they're open to change. I really only regret that I met them at the end of the school year, rather than the beginning.

was interested in you, tried to look in your profile to get a better feel of what kind of person you were, but you've restricted it. You want start being social.. you can start here, but you have to open up first. Take the restriction of.

I kind of know the feelings you're going through. I made a vent similar to yours, but lot more graphical. I called it 'fuc* ven't. I was sick of life, a lot of things were getting me down. Its not easy being a teenager, the peer pressure and all that, i didnt make many friends in school either.. but a lot of people have that story. You seem them now and you would never imagined they were bullied in school, yet they were..but they grew out of it. For some, it made them stronger. I cant tell you to wait it out, theres not much i can say. But you said you have noone to vent to in real life..this is real life. This internet, the people you talk to on here, its all real. If you meet someone close enough to you then maybe you can meet them and make it more real. Just be careful that its not a creepy old dude.

With all honesty, I had no idea my profile was restricted! Thanks for telling me, anyway.

I kinda get, to an extent, what you mean. For a while, my best friend was a dog, too. All my friends are also a year older than me, but I'm in the same grade as them, and it just makes it worse to an extent; the only consolation is graduating the same year as them. If you need someone to try to talk to, I'll listen.

Thanks for the offer, but just simply venting has helped by itself.