I never liked anything I did.  Even when people gave me sincere compliments.  I just feel as though everything I do seems so substandard.  Even though I know I tried my best, and that people are actually giving me positive remarks, I still maintain that tendency to think that I'm not good enough for anything.
privateeye privateeye
22-25, F
3 Responses May 17, 2007

Well, you can still change how you think or view yourself. You can start to feel and see yourself as a beautiful, smart, caring, wonderful person by renewing your mind. I think going to church, exercising, therapy can help you to change those beliefs. Life is a precious, good thing.

My reason for being the same way is this: I grew up with a war veteran/ex detective/ alcoholic/senior citizen/racist/proud man who helped raise me about 45% out of two other elderly people. My father was never there and I always tryed to live up to someone's expecations who is 60 years older than me. He never genuinely told me why he was proud of me but, he did tell me (very generically) that he was proud of me. Due to the economy I have been laid from my first serious job and now he see's me as unproductive. He is not interested in my personal life and all of the things I do to maintain it. I feel proud of myself. When I am around other men, I feel very uncomfortable and do not trust them. I am always worried someone will put me down or tell me I can do something better. I am slow to take any bit of advice upfront, instead I keep it in my memory and think it over for years sometimes. This has made me an individual but very insecure in social situations. I use to throw tantrums in front of my fiance' and at times put her down. I am not a wife beater by any means. I just don't have any other close friends or family. I have been free of tantrums for about a month. I have been treated as bi-polar and the meds are working thank God. The next few statements I am about to make are not for the faint of heart. My mother has her own issues, she realized she was not mother material only 3 months after I was born and about a year after my older brother was born. She adopted us out to two different grandmothers of ours and so we were seperated until a few years ago. He is 25 I am 23. When I was under a year old, my mother tried to drown me during bath-time. Luckily I made it and my grandmother corrected my thinking before I grew up and this issue does not particularly bother me. My grandmother died when I was 16 and she left me a house and a few bucks. My mother tried to put me in a foster home and take over the will. Luckily, the older fellow who I spoke about in the beginning adopted me and secured the will in my favor. Without him I would be a wreck. I have some serious issues but seem to be (in my opinion) moderately productive. I keep myself busy learning computers, mechanics, dog training, biology, carpentry, electricity, psychology and last but not least I try to know God. I have never touched street drugs but have a tendency to drink too much. I have been seriously blessed and that surely out-weighs the hard knocks I've taken. I have not mentioned everything. It would take a long time. I amt thankful and I am looking forward to recovery. The reason I am on this forum is for recovery. Thank you for reading.

I feel exactly the same way, I feel your pain