Yes, I Am Complete...

Yes, i am COMPLETELY insecure!! and i dislike it very much, but i never feel like i am doing a good enough job about anything!! I used to be a VERY secure person, but over time, with different life experiences, that has sadly changed. No one except my b/f my ex knows how terribly insecure i am and feel. I used to have a FANTASTIC career in Social Work, but after staying at home and after being raped, i no longer feel i have the ability to do the even most mundane job, hell i even quit working at McDonald's after 4 days, because i felt like i couldn't do it. This is coming from a person who TOTALLY created a child and youth program for abused kids from absolutely nothing and from someone for years taught Sociology at a nearby college, so how can McDonald's intimidate me???? It simply makes no sense to me, but that is the reality, I question everything i do, not knowing if i am doing the right thing or not. The simplest decisions i often run by other people for fear of me making a mistake. LORD, it's pathetic!!
AlwaysRemembers AlwaysRemembers
41-45, F
7 Responses Jun 9, 2007

now tell me what is meant by being insecure life is full of magic my darling, just one bad thing(doesn't matter how big it is as u r still alive nd healthy) can't make u look behind nd u better try to make all ur dreams come again in ur mind nd try to think positive every sec of ur day nd u'll be the winner nd belive me our life has made us a learner who start learning all sorts of thing as he is born but life never made us in a way that we could forget things nd now is the time to learn to forget each nd every thing u don,t like nd insecurities are one of thm as the only thing whch thy do is come between our sucess nd dreams<br />
so enjoy ur self<br />
see u later

your not alone.. Im 43 yrs old and every job I have had.. I feel Im not doing something right or doing it good enough.. I believe my mom actually made me this she kept me very sheltered as a child and then when I got to be a adult It was like I was afraid to do anything or even go anywhere..even to the grocery pathetic is that? I still get times when I dont like going to the store... I worry about how I look and all that drives me nuts. well anyhow, no matter what kind of job I might be doing.. I feel its never GOOD ENOUGH! actually that carries over into many aspects of my life.....never feeling good enough. I was also raped when I was 20 yrs old.

Insecurities are about as useful as attempting to put the pin back into the grenade.

I empathize with you. I have always been an insecure person (I was an extremely shy child), but I have a lot of pride and hate that I am insecure. I know all of the positive qualities about myself, but I still feel the way I feel and really don't know how to change it.<br />
I know why i am this way, because of my upbringing, and I, like you, graduated from college, earned 2 degrees (one in sociology), as a way to better myself and also to become stronger and more secure. it really didn't work. I'm still searching for a full-time job; after spending 5.5 years at college and taking out 1000s of dollars in loans, I still have yet to be hired for any positions i've applied.<br />
I know inside that this time will pass, and I will feel more confident some days, and less the next. But I also am tired of feeling so's actually a really lonely feeling. The feeling is more of shame and embarassment, the two feelings I felt most my entire childhood. <br />
I'm writing this to tell you that there are others like you, who are going through the same type of struggle. I went to a therapist a few years ago, and this didn't help. i went for a year (the therapist, I later found out, was an intern, so i think that might be why I didn't get much out of the sessions). <br />
My advice to you would be to see a therapist who specializes in treating rape victims. the shame that rape can bring upon a person can be debilitating. And I am very familiar with feelings of shame...this is the primary feeling that has kept me from having the life I want and from being who i want to be.

GOOD-BAD or RIGHT-WRONG, even PRETTY-UGLY, are relative terms, judgements and specific to what they describe and who is doing the describing.<br />
<br />
I can understand how something as traumatic as rape can cause a person to feel insecure and insignificant in this world. But I know from the few posts I have read that there are people close to you who love you and consider you very significant.<br />
Striving for perfection will always set you up for failure. What I see a perfect, another does not. Strive to do, what is your best in that particular moment, and you will have succeeded.<br />
<br />
"The First thing to understand about the universe is that no condition is “good” or “bad.” It just is. So stop making value judgments. The second thing to know is that all conditions are temporary. Nothing stays the same, nothing remains static. Which way a thing changes depends on you."<br />
<br />
"The way to reduce the pain which you associate with earthly experiences and events—both yours and those of others—is to change the way you behold them."<br />
Neale Donald Walsch

You know, the advice above is probably the sort you get all of the time. Advice that is easy to say but impossible to follow. Basically, you're being told to suck it up and just do it. Have you ever considered hypnotherapy? I understand that one can bypass years of therapy through a few hypnotherapy sessions. As I understand it, the reasoning behind it is that you can get to the root of what holds you back quickly, and then you can bring it to the surfance and then resolve it. If you are incapacitated with fear and the feeling of inadequacy, you have nothing to lose but a few dollars. I tried it once for exam anxiety, and it did help. I only had one session, but the difference was noticeable.

It's not pathetic. I'm the same way. I'm sure many, many people also feel the same way as you! You've accomplished so much in the past! Have more faith in yourself. You're still the same person that was a college professor teaching Sociology and you're still the same person that created a child and youth program for abused kids. You surely can handle working at McDonalds! Haha, it sounds like you're more than qualified! You should stop questioning everything and live for the moment. Everyone makes mistakes! Be more carefree! It's good for your health! Be a hippie! Woot! =D