alright, here goes nothing.... lol.

i don't know that i should be writing about my mother when i am so completely mad at her, it can't be something positive but i will be damned if i can talk to well... my mom about... my mom?

it all started back in january when "c" had his "affair". (in other blogs/stories on my profile) i made him tell my parents about his misdeed and they were supposed to be awesome and tell me that i deserved better, we'll help you pack, the bastard, you poor thing... yeeeeah. obviously that never happened. the domestic other told them some dark mysterious secret about his past, and then it was poor him. it wasn't about you- he needs help... blah blah blah.

well ever since i described being unhappy to my folks they have been in this weird funky depression like state. like since their daughter is unhappy and wanting a divorce- they failed or some b.s. get off it. i'm the one who's unhappy. i was then told by mother a few days ago that she thinks that there is another man in my life. of course! i know she's not stupid, but i am not ready to address that issue with her so i lie. then she goes on to tell me that i am a bad mother, wife and daughter. lovely. she says i disrespect my husband, my father (because issues i have with my birthfather) and that my children see this and therefore it is affecting them. i just say i'm sorry.

so i had my therapy session on friday of this past week. i know that after my therapy sessions i need to have a day away from most people so that i have a chance to "purge" the feelings that arose in therapy, to well- deal with them. (that's what therapy is about right? dealing with issues?? correct me if i'm wrong) so anyways after therapy i get a call from my mother saying that i am supposed to entertain my cousin and her daughter while my aunt and my mother go to dinner.

i said that i would rather have some time to myself and i need to deal with things that arose in my session that day. she told me that it would be better if i didn't think about them and to quit being so selfish. so i hang out with my cousin and her kid. next day is my other cousin's graduation. that forces me to go to the damn thing less everyone think i am a horrible individual. husband comes with me, i don't want him to - cause then he will leave and i will have to wait for my parents to be ready to go before i can get a ride. great. so i hung out with all my family that day.

sunday- go out to lunch with my husband's g-ma and he HAS to invite my parents. grr, more dealing with them and still no chance to cope with the session i had. they take my daughter with them so i am forced to see them later on that afternoon. i go to pick her up and they ask if it is ok for her to spend the night. i say not really, but if she promises to behave and not give me a hard time to pick her up- i guess. they ask her then if she wants to go to the zoo on monday (today) you bet she does, and to ask a 4 year old that is setting a trap.

now i get to go to the damn zoo and the husband comes along too. not only that but my mom, dad, aunt, uncle, other aunt, grandmother, my two kids, my cousin's kid, my 2 cousins and one of their boyfriends. we are a movable feast.  once again the husband has to leave and go to work so i am stuck waiting until everyone else is ready to leave before i can get my 2 cranky kids outta the sun and heat. lions, tigers, bears, and kids- oh my!

get home, my mom proceeds to ***** me out. she tells me that i was super mean to my husband today. whatever- she has no idea what's going on. that if he actually treated and responded to me like a human being- other than his mother... well another story. anyhow, i got bitched out for being unhappy.  "Gee maw, sorry that i'm stinkin depressed and unhappy in the marriage, yet feel obligated to stay there as so not to upset you and daddy. sorry that me being unhappy makes you displaced. sorry that i am a human being?"

then she goes about saying that she is afraid to tell me when something is bothering her about me, cause i might not let her see my kids again. are you kidding me?!?!? i told her then she must not know me at all, because that was not who i was. she told me that was a low blow. isn't telling me that i act like a 7 year old and won't share my "toys" a low blow too? hello?

i told her that i was tired and needed my space, that i was upset of being compared with my cousins and she told me she has only supported me in my life. ( i moved out when i was 16. i haven't had support- physically, mentally or financially from my parents since i lived at home.

anyways, i could go on for a long ol time bout this cause i am so upset, but i need to go find some caffeine.


lostcancerian lostcancerian
36-40, F
4 Responses May 28, 2007

i did, but it was of little consequence since i already knew what it was- he just hadn't told them yet. it was terrible, but still not an excuse for him to use.

WOW - we call that AFO'd in my family - ALL FAMILIED OUT! Luckily we each respect the need to just get away from everyone else and not hold it against them. I really am bad about this and take more time away than most (most like my dad). I feel for you though - hope your doing better today.

thanks friend :)

Wow. Hang in there.