Spiral

I was sexually assaulted a little over a year ago.

It really ****** me up.

I started cutting a month after it happened, when I thought my dad might be dying. And then I started drinking. Just socially, but a lot. And then I discovered weed. So I kept up the drinking and drugs for a whole year, but made a promise to a close friend to stop hurting myself. But I kept everything bottled up. It happened May 2009, and didn't tell anybody until October. And that broke down every emotional wall I had. I started smoking weed alone, dirnking alone on rare occasions. But even worse, I started cutting again. And then I discovered that the friend I had promised I wouldn't cut had done it before, and my close friend did (does) it regularly. When my boyfriend found out I was cutting, he was upset, but made no move to get me to stop. So I didn't. I haven't. I've been spiralling, and for the past few weeks, every night, I've either been drinking, getting high or cutting myself. Alone. And now my friend is convinced I have an eating disorder.

And there is no ******* end in sight.
enigma214 enigma214
18-21, F
Jul 20, 2010