Worthless, Stupid, Lazy

School is hard for me. It always has been. I feel like it consumes my life. Seven hours a day to go home and do homework and stress over the day following. I dread breaks like summer and winter. All I do during that time is think about the work I should be doing. Except, I can never do it. I feel stupid doing my homework because it is never good enough. My mind begs me to stop the assalt of stress and my muscles physically ache from the mounting tension. I think about the bad grade I'm going to get. My teacher and peers will think I'm stupid. I am stupid. I think about how lazy I am because I won't do it. It's my fault. All my fault. If I was smart I would be good enough. I have nothing of worth. I'm terrible at everything. My dad is right when he says "It will be a miracle if you graduate from highschool!" As well as, "You might have to live full time in a mental institution!" I'm only a freshman. I feel numb thinking of school and cannot find the will to work. I don't care anymore. I have known for all to long that someday I will be homeless. Happiness isn't a gift I am meant to bear. The worst part is that I test to be highly intelligents. I don't belive it yet I have seen the results for years. How can the product of two lawyers be such a failure? I now pull out my hair to deal with the stress. I have nightmares constantly. I don't eat much and then I binge on sweets. In fact, as I write there is a juicebox of lemonade and a bag of chocolate covered pretzels before me. The only thing I can do is read. In fact, reading is why I don't get my work done. I bury myself in other worlds. Fiction, nonfiction, plays, I'll read anything. It takes me away. Yet, then five books later it is midnight and none of my homework is done. Then, the thoughts above circle and circle only for the cycle to be repeated the next day.
trich1997 trich1997
13-15, F
2 Responses Jan 7, 2013

If you ever need help with stress message me I go through the same stress makes me very Ill I had to work hard for my grade message me to talk if you want

Yeah, I misspelled intelligent. My point of my stupidity is proven once more.