Broke Up With Him Hoping He'd Wake Up To What He Had. He Married Someone Else Within 7 Weeks! And She's Pregnant!

I wonder if I will truly get over what has happened to me. I had a question on this forum about a month ago regarding my situation. I keep wondering if this is really my life, or just a really bad soap opera. I can't help but to look for answers and wonder why.



I have no contact with my ex, I chose not to see, speak, email, text, nothing with him unless it had to do with our 3 year old son.


So here is my story, I hope it's not too long. We were together for 7 years. He moved into my condo about 4 months after we met. We started a trucking company 6 months after we met. Things were hot, heavy and fast. I truely thought I found the "one". We were both 30 when we met, and had our fun and dated many people before we met. We both thought it was perfect timing.


So then life happened. I got pregnant 3 years later, and I always thought he would propose at some time. I wanted he and I to have a happy life and family together.


We did have fights and arguments, mostly about the business that we owned, and me feeling like I was used and unappreciated. I am not trying to make excuses, but he was the most un-romantic, un-emotional person I met. He rarely told me anything good, most days he would critisize and make me feel bad. I did love him with all my heart. I wanted this man in my life forever.


During our 7 years together, I had made him leave our home 3 times, and I know this was dysfunctional, and a problem that I have. However I had enough each time, and didn't know of a better way to handle things.


So why am I upset now? During the relationship, I did love him, or should I say, the idea of him. I thought about leaving so many times because he was not fulfilling my needs and making me happy. Each fight we had was the same thing, I want to feel loved, appreciated and treated like I was the only girl in the world. Am I wrong to want this??? All I wanted was someone to show my they care. Not someone who was always blowing me off, putting me down, etc. It's hard to admit that he stayed with me out of convenience. He told me we should have broken up 5 years ago, but then took it back as soon as he said it.


I ran the business by myself, the house, our son, our dogs, our finances, etc. I did all the wifely duties without the marriage. I felt used and unloved. Everytime I brought up my feelings, he would tell me I need medication or I am crazy. He almost had me beleiving it to. He had me sucked into his world, and now I realize that he was a very immature, narcisstic, ADD, OCD person.


I guess what I have a hard time with, and I know people don't change, but we had a fight 4 months ago. He was being mean to me again, critisizing, etc. So I went through his cell, which I rarely did, and found several text messages from several ex's on there. One was a picture of an ex with her shirt up showing her stomach because she had lost weight, and the other text was an ex asking him "when is it my turn to date you".


I lost it. I have a zero tolerance rule with other girls, joking or not, harmless or not. So I had made him leave. We had a 2 hour conversation just before he left, and I did most of the talking. He had nothing to say and agreed to leave.


One week later, he met a girl who is 24 (we are both 37) and they immediately started a relationship, a long distance relationship. She lives 3 hours away, and they only saw each once a week. My ex and I still owned the company so he was working, and seeing our son a few times a week. So he and this new girl dated for about 6 weeks, saw each other a total of 10 times and took off to Vegas and eloped. I was shocked, devasted, hurt, etc. I couldn't breathe, I had nervous breakdowns, etc. I had hoped while we seperated that he would wake up and see what he had. I handed him a life on a silver platter, and he chose a complete opposite path.


So now, he told me that she got "accidentally" pregnant, and he is not happy about it, however he has to do the right thing.


I feel like this is a nightmare. Who does these things? I loved this man with my heart and soul, and what has he done?


I haven't talked to him in weeks, but our last conversation he told me that he is a mess and miserable and I should have never kicked him out. That me kicking him out caused all these things to happen. How is this any of my fault? He also told me he married her because he was lonely, and he did feel guilty about marrying her. I said why did you marry her? His answer - she is a cool chick and we never fight! What kind of foundation is that? He doesn't say he loves her or she is the one.


Sorry for the long post, I am having such a hard time with my emotions lately. I have dissolved the business we own together, and he even called me around Christmas time to convince me to keep it going. There was no way I could keep the business, I would have lost my health if I had to continue working with him. What he did, in my eyes, is repulsive and unforgivable. But how do I let it go? He wants to be civil, and is always asking about me. I don't get it.........
evonjohn evonjohn
36-40, F
1 Response Jan 17, 2013

Hi evonjohn,

I am sorry for your loss and pain. I too, know of it. I am fresh from a day/night long breakdown and have exhaustion but cannot sleep. People suggest pills but I am alone in charge of my daughter's care and house.

I am separated from my husband of over fifteen years, who waltzed out the door last year, after making our house a pretty toxic environment, where he would pick fights, create distance and repeat this behavior. Much time was spent on the computer and phone and eventually began hiding those from me and that was a red flag, but I never would have dreamed what was really coming.

When the holidays came this year, I wanted to be in hell because it felt like hell on earth. A discovery was made that he was long-distance cheating and even living in another family's house!!! He lied to his family, mine, our daughter and so on. He told people and made a display of living at a siblings when he never really was.

Now he left for the fourth time and has been discovered all over social networks "in a relationship" with this awful woman, who he defended to me! Me, his wife! I am stunned, shocked and living in this unreality where I too, cannot seem to let go of the idea of the man he once was for me. He has amazing charm when he wants you to like him, but turns like a rattlesnake if you dare to say anything negative at all. He has huge entitlement to what he has done and does not show remorse, though supposedly is telling sibliings that he knows he "hurt his wife". But he cares that he "hurt the other person" and that I cry of night and day, as well as the social and very public websites.

Prior to this he was the ideal family man, we even built our house together and then he went and did that in the very house he built. Now he is so addicted to this woman he doesn't see that she is not right for being with a married man...yes, she knew for a long time! I suspect he is a conquest and she is after his money, for he makes a very high wage. What kind of womem get into relations with married men? I can't get over this part and think of all the honestly available men in the world, I feel like even though he did his awful part, do they target our men? And I can't figure out why men let them, because I, too, was very willing to make any "changes" he told me were my problem that bugged him.

I am seeking the same advice as you, for I know exactly what he has done but cannot forget him. I think I cannot forget the man he used to be for me and can't find a way to fill the void he left me. I was a housewife and proud of it while even though we planned it, I sense that he holds it against me. He actually wants to marry this woman and I cannot believe he would just give away so many years and kick me out of the house we built, but I guess the sway of a woman out for conquest is a vicious thing?

He tells me there are no children between them, but it feels like another shoe is going to drop. He is now ignoring my text and emails and I am working hard to let go. But his sisters tell me he still loves me, yet why did this have to happen?

Over the last year, I did better and better on my own, but he moved back for several weeks and I got attatched and am left holding the bag again. My mind is consumed with this and on the one hand, I hear he is finally in counselling and going to crisis counseling, but have so many questions. The advice doesn't work, find hobbies, volunteer, keep busy...it's always in my mind.

Do you think that we as women allow ourselves to become emotionally attached and men don't really? They sure seem to not have trouble letting go, that's for sure. I feel like I was in for the long haul, heart soul and mind and at the beginning he acted like it, too.

I am discovering that my husband, as well as many cheaters, is narcissistic, full of ego to the extent of hurting others. There is a lot of "free" literature online and it really helped me see what a....person has the capacity to do such things as they do. I don't know if it is a fit for your guy, but reading the literature after my own counseling really helped because I could work on the "relationship", but not contact him.

I am working towards that again. I have angered him all the more because I finally cannot set eyes on him or stand to hear his vehicles or seem him waltz in and out the door again. I am limiting his time with our daughter and he doesn't like this one bit, but do you think it may eventually help him really think of what he has done? Or maybe they don't ever, because the "new model" has shinier bells and whistles and crooks the finger.

My neighbor is divorced and her story is a match for mine...We notice our husbands to be in the same 40 something age range and I do have to wonder what goes on in their minds...or doesn't...during that age?

Thank you for sharing your story. I struggle to understand people and though am getting some understanding of psychology, still don't understand what motives can be so selfish as to ultimately break up homes.

Thank you.