Can Not Forgive Him

i lost my husband 2 years ago  in a tragic accident he had on his way to work. The thing that hurts the most is that i am still angry with him that he  left me alone and i can not forgive him for dying.
mirea mirea
41-45, F
3 Responses Jul 23, 2010

It has been 21 months now since Tony died and the anger has just begun. I am not angry with him but I struggle with my faith. I know his death was not his fault and I ask God constantly why he took him so prematurely; What did God need him so badly for and why did God think I didn't need him anymore?; Why did God leave me here to suffer and Tony is at peace?.....so many questions that I need answered and I will never know. My mom said that God takes the person who is the weakest in the relationship. To explain further, she said Tony would not have been strong enough to handle my death, so he had to go first to watch over me. I don't know if i was the strong one....I guess this is my test of survival. Don't hate your husband for leaving you....he never meant to.

I can say that at times I am extremely mad at my husband for dying. But I think it's the things left that I have to deal with, that angers. We raised a son and was just getting to the good stuff where you can enjoy life, and not worry where you need to be at for your children. I am missing those times of being together, but yet not saying a word. The just knowing he was there for me, and no matter what I did, he would always be there for me. Unconditional love, I'm mad I don't have that anymore.<br />
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Your feelings of anger are part of the grieving process. I never went to grief counseling (though some people think maybe I should have) but I have a solid core of friends that check up on me and if I need to talk they are there anytime, anyday. Each person deals with their loss differently and on a different timetable. Whether it's friends, family, or grief counseling someone will be able to help you work through the process. You owe this to yourself.

I am so sorry, but don't hate, it will change you in a negative way. I don't know what I would do it I lost my wife!