11 Months Now

since I lost my wife. A lot has happened. Sometimes it seems like it was just yesterday that we walked out the back door and she said it had been a beautiful day; that she was so happy it had cooled off and she was looking forward to tomorrow when we could start my vacation. She was so happy that day, so healthy,  more vibrant than she had been in months, maybe years. It just didn’t work out the way we expected, and now I live here alone. 
Since she’s been gone I have learned a lot. I’ve changed a bit too.  I am a lot smarter about relationships. Wine consumption has gone way up.  I lose things,  forget to pay bills & return library books. I’m getting softer and rounder.  At our favorite take-out I will order the shrimp tempura and there’s no sharing required. Leah always used to get 2 of the 3 shrimp, while I got 2 of the 3 carrot sticks. Now I get the best of everything. I’m pretty happy most of the time.
I met a girl on EP who lost her husband just before I lost Leah. I’m trying very hard not to fall for her. We have so much fun together. She has beautiful eyes. She is in another state. I don’t want to get married again. I don’t want to live with anyone either. This is all new territory, and neither of us quite know what to do. Sometimes I just want to go to sleep for a couple months. This week I met someone who pointed out that I’ve been sleepwalking for 11 months and maybe its time to wake up. I think that’s excellent advice.
mergelayers mergelayers
51-55, M
1 Response Jul 24, 2010

May I share something my fianceƩ said a while back, when we were sharing with each other the aftermath we each dealt with when we lost our spouses? She said that now she understands we are never guaranteed those tomorrows we promise each other, when we will find joy.<br />
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Time to wake up, my friend, I agree. You can always get a second order of shrimp.