My Bershert

Shortly after midnight on the morning of January 6, 2012, precious husband died. I cannot grasp that it has been over 10 weeks since we spoke our last words to one another.
He came home from work early on Thursday to spend time with me before we were to pick up our new spectacles. I asked I was getting ready, if my hair looked ok. He took my face in his hands and looked into my eyes and said, "Beautiful..."
Shortly before 10 PM he said that he was tired and wanted to go to bed. As we prepared for bed, he helped me put on my gown because my shoulder was hurting and said, "I will help you... it is my job... it is my pleasure." He kissed me and said, "Good night Mrs. Price, I love you", and I replied, "Good night Mr. Price, I love you too. Sleep sweet my Prince."
I miss talking to him. We talked all the time and about everything. When we were not physically together we texted, emailed, and talked over the phone. At times, most of the time, my world is so very quiet. Each phase of every day brings it's own measure of missing him. We started each morning together, and every evening when it is time for him to come home from work... I find myself missing him... my heart aching. I need to respond to cards, letters and emails from friends and his coworkers and especially his best friend. I cannot. Every time I try to write I end up crying uncontrollably.
When I had to fill out paperwork, the woman that was helping me, told me that I was now single. I'm not stupid and I know these things in my head, but my heart was crushed. I don't feel single... I don't want to be single. I am still Mrs. Price.
TxDove TxDove
51-55, F
2 Responses Mar 21, 2012

Oh, I am so so very deeply sorry...I feel the same exact way! I will always be his wife. We decided we were not "til death", we were "forever and always". We also talked the same exact ways you described. I remember the early morning/late night leading to the day when I lost him and became temporarily wheelchair bound as I am now. He had been playing on our iPad 2 and finished a song he'd been working on. He wanted me to hear it. I was really tired, but I think I told him it was beautiful and my favorite of his yet. I have been with my parents and unable to get into my house. I am going to get help in doing that tomorrow. My two close friends will be moving in, and that should help with bills and the being alone and emotional ups and downs. I am going to look around, take pictures of everything before it gets touched and moved and changed. I feel as though I will always be his, I will always be married, he is always with me...I know I have to go on and be strong, reach my potential he claimed he saw in me, and make him proud. We will be with them again one day, you know. It's just a matter of dealing with life before we can die and rejoin them. We can do it. You have to focus on all of the positive things. It helps me because he always told me to do that. Stop seeing the negative and look at the positive. We can do this.

It is never easy to let go or forgot, especially if he has been there for u all the years .. Be strong, make new friends and start every day as how he would want u to... Being happy.