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God Gave Me You

I recently lost my husband. We celebrated our first anniversary 2 days before he passed away. We were together almost 2 years....I was married before for 27 years. That marriage ended bad....and I became a man hater!!! I was lonely and had lost all faith in a true love type relationships. I fought that for sometime and finally turned it over to God. I prayed for God to send me a good man, one that I could love, one that could love me, someone that was true and good........And God gave me this amazing , wonderful, angel. We were great together, he was wonderful...treated me like a princesses. I fell in love with him....He was my best friend....we could and did sit and talk and laugh for hours. He was the breath in my lungs, the beat in my heart!!  In late January, he got sick with what the Dr had treated as bronchitis. After a week of treatment he didn't feel any better, so he went back to the Dr. The Dr sent him to the ER, his blood pressure was up, his heart rate was high, he had an abnormal EKG...that was the beginning of the end...and we had no clue! The Dr had him transfered to a specialty hospital. They did all kinds of test on him. He had a heart attack 12 yrs ago...and I didn't know this until he got sick with this!.....but...they did further test. No heart attack this time, but his heart was enlarged and only working at 15%. This was a 48 year old man.... How could this be??? We changed his diet, had his medications monitored, everything we were instructed to do. He had an ablation on Feb 29. The Dr was pleased and said things looked good.  But he wanted to see him back in 6 weeks, do more test. He would decide if he needed a defibrillator at that time.
Things seemed to be looking up. He had returned to work, didn't complain about palpitations, never said a word to me about feeling bad. 
   Our anniversary fell on Friday. It was a sweet, romantic celebration for us both!. He worked the next day, 1/2 day on Saturdays. When he came in from work, he mowed the yard, trimmed the hedges, raked up the trimmings....and we were gonna lay out of church Sunday and go fishing. Sunday mornings was his only day to sleep late. I got up Sunday morning, he was asleep, I got my coffee and went outside. It was such a beautiful morning! I let him sleep till almost 10. When I came to wake him, he wouldn't wake up....I knew he wasn't breathing...I called 911 and started CPR...I couldn't save him! I couldn't believe what  was happening. I begged him to stay, I begged God not to take him.....He took him anyway!!!
   Its been 4 weeks and 2 days...I miss him so much! I cant sleep, or eat . I feel so empty. I am completely lost to the point of being paralyzed.  There are no words to describe this pain. He told me that I was his soul mate and when he got to heaven, he would be waiting on me...He is right...we are soul mates. I'm ready to go be with him. I'm angry with God. He gave me this amazing man  and then took him only almost 2 years? I'm lost!!!!  I just want my husband back..I want to wake up and this just had been a bad nightmare!!
skipslove skipslove 46-50 1 Response Apr 16, 2012

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What a sad story I understand how you are feeling I lost my husband on April 14th 2012 and he was my whole life. I feel like a part of me had died with him, but I have to keep moving on for our children. We were married for 19years and together for 20 he was my best freind and my soul mate, I am sure that we will be together again. Don't give up on God you will be together again with your soul mate and he is here with you just in a different way now. Its not easy to accept that but its how I get by some days. Keep your faith !