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My Husband Hanged Himself On The 4th Of July

I have three children ages 10 5 and 18 months two boys and a girl. We were together for 11 years he was an alcoholic and manic depressive. I tried to make him happy it never seemed enough. There was no warning and no note just him gone and me confused. I am left adrift and so hurt. It hasn't even been a month and I am still in shock I guess I still keep thinking he'll come home or call. I know it's not gonna happen but I still can't grasp the full idea of never seeing him again. I was 19 when we met a child really now I am 30 and a widow I don't even know who I am. Why? Why? Why? I loved him so much he is my soul mate and best friend I feel so alone.............
bobbyswife30 bobbyswife30 26-30, F 5 Responses Aug 2, 2012

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I really feel for you. I went thru the same last year on Sept. 26. my husband took his own life. He was battling a major depression and just couldn't go on. I also have 3 children, but much older, 29, 26 and 21. It has turn our lives upside down. Give yourself time to grieve. You are not to blame and know that the decision he made was his own. You could not have done more to help him. I know it's hard to understand or even imagine, but it will get better. Surround yourself with family, good friends and look into getting counselling. Try to find someone who specializes in suicide. That's what i did, and it really helped me and the kids. Thinking of you in this difficult time and sending lots love and prayers.

My husband died in January & left me with 2 young boys. I am young, he was young. He also suffered from depression & addiction. I feel like he made a choice & it wasn't us, regardless of his illness, just like your husband. We have to pick up the pieces and move on. The people who don't know what it's like, who tell you it will get better, are actually right. Grieve, get some help and push through. It does get better.

i have known of this to happen a few times in my life,we allways think we could have stopped it if we could have had been given time to talk to the person,,YOU MUST FORGIVE YOUR SELF,,god love you,, i wish you lived near,i would love to talk to you,,,you will get better you must give your self time,,

Thank you so much

That really sucks - there's no more concise way to put it. You couldn't have made him happy on your own. He probably privately thought about doing it even before he met you. And you will not be forever confused about this. You are going to need years now to think about all the memories and search for understanding. Maybe get some help with it. You WILL figure it out as you get older and understand humans more. Don't forget to give yourself permission to move on and build a new life though. When someone commits suicide, I think they've decided to end their relationships as well. Make no mistake that breaking up with you is a part of what he did, and whenever someone breaks up with you, it's normal and acceptable to move on and find someone new. I hope you try hard to still enjoy your life because, just like the rest of us, you won't have forever to do so. Your grief is not going to stop you from aging. Think of yourself often, and don't feel bad about it.

thank you

That is the most awful story. I often wonder what it would be like if I lost my wife and had to somehow bring up my children whilst bringing in an income and dealing with the grief... but that is just me idly imagining. You have really had to go through it.

Thank you very much