A Lonely Road

My husband of 30 yrs. had slowly gotten weaker and sicker over the last few years. He had gotten West Nile virus, developed several rounds of blood clots in his lungs, had huge seizures, etc. Every time something happened, we (our son and I) knew it could be his last time. All those previous times though, he managed to pull through. All those times did, however, take a little more of him away from us.

We watched him slowly and painfully go from a strong carpenter, building our last home for us, to a man who was just a shadow of himself who could mostly only lay in bed in a fetal position. When he got sick this last time, I didn't think it was anything more than a sinus infection, and even the hospital was ready to send him back home when suddenly he spiked a fever. They didn't know what was wrong.

He had aspirated pneumonia. They put him on a ventilator but the amount of oxygen they had to give him to keep him alive burned his lungs up and we had to finally turn off the machines after 2 weeks.

He looked at us while he was trying to take his last breath with such a strange look. It will haunt me forever. Then he looked up and saw something above him and was gone. All of us (his family) was standing around him as he passed, but it was the loneliest moment I've ever experienced. My heart literally felt as though it were being ripped in 2. That was the last day of March 2012.

We loved him so much and he loved us just as much. Even though he suffered so much, he always had a smile and an 'I love you' for us. I miss him so much, but I would not bring him back to the suffering he endured. There is a huge hole in our lives since he is gone and there will always be.
Kaypup Kaypup
51-55, F
1 Response Sep 18, 2012

Similar story with my girlfriend of 18 years. We could not get married for financial reasons. I was going to ask her while she was sick and at the hospice stage of her life. I could not determine that she could truly understand me so I did not ask. She passed a few hours later, she passed peacefully. Ending weeks of suffering with a lung problem. I was so happy to see her slowly stop suffering, breathing normally and finally at reat with her daughters and I with her.

I am sorry for your loss. I sincerely hope you are doing well.