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An Ongoing Nightmare

Hello everyone,
Although I am grateful for a place to share my story, it's also a place that none of us ever want to be. The stories on here sure let me know that I am not alone in this horrible pain and I am so very sorry for all your pain. My husband became ill in April of this year and passed away this past June with cancer. I am so overwhelmed as to how all this happened so suddenly. I feel like I'm in a bad dream and can't wake up.
I'm not so sure I can do this alone and furthermore I dont want to.
He was my whole life and now I'm empty. I go through the motions of life but theres no joy or peace. I have to remind myself to do even simple things like eat.
I have great family and friends who care about me but I know they dont understand what I'm going through so I really need a friend who can relate. Thanks in advance.
MrsBussman MrsBussman 51-55 6 Responses Sep 19, 2012

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I understand your pain, I lost my husband of 40 years on May 14, 2012, after a long illness. Knowing what is coming does not make it easier than a sudden passing. I still have many many times when the fact that he is gone crashes over me like a huge wave and I am in total disbelief. The pain is unbearable sometimes! I too have a wonderful family and friends but they do not understand even though they try very hard. I have learned not to expect too much of myself....some days waking up, breathing and taking a shower is all I can accomplish. I try to focus on how lucky I was to have him in my life and I was given a gift some people never have....true love. I wish you well. Be kind to yourself and understand emotional pain is just as debilitating ad physical pain and you need time to recover..

Well I know it's very hard, but try to accept it and fight your pain...

My husband was not feeling well so he asked me to take him to the VA Clínic on Friday Aug. 10th. He was told he had a virus. On Thursday Aug. 16th he passed away from a heart attack. We were married 34+ yrs. I am still in a state of disbelief. I Miss him so very much.

"Pain changes people, but it also makes them stronger."

Well it really depends on how you think of the whole thing...
I know it's very hard, but try to remain optimistic and find the good thing in it...., because in my opinion everything has something good and bad in it, you just have to choose which one to realize first, sure you have to know the bad too, but keep in mind and concentrate on the good part of it...
I may sound crazy, thinking it has something good (people tell me this all the time), but I've been there, when I was just 10 years old, my mother dies in cancer, but almost 3 years I had to watch her suffer, than one year she lied in bed, she couldn't even move, I had to be there for her all alone in the house. I had every day that nightmare that I may do something wrong, and that will be the cause of her death, and I found even in that the good and positive thing. I've gone through many things and I'm just 15 years old, and I've lost many people whom I cared too much about, but it made me who I am today, and strong!

woulod love to tell you it get better

but i think for many it depends on the bond you guys shared for me my wife reallyw as my sould mate so allthe great times we shared her loss and how she was lost even to this day bring tears to my eyes and the pain of her loss back in 1967

i lost my second love in very bad way aslo at the age of 19 but it is still the loss of roberta that tears me apart and i know she is just waiting for me to die so we can cross over as we lived out young life from 11 on that is hand in hand

Thamk you for your reply. We were married when we were kids 16 and 17 years old.. we had been married 39 years and 9 days when he passed away. He was my soulmate and my best friend. I just know I will never love that way again. I am so very sorry about your wife.