Missing Him More Than Than I Can Say

I just lost my husband to cancer . He had a rare form of renal cancer . Had an operation in june ,but it had already spread to various part of his body . he sufferred a great deal ,as he had tumor on the shoulder, pelvic bone , a rib ,and one on the lung . After radiation ,and a first bout of chemo therapy ,he got very ill and on this january 8th, he was rushed to hospital where he died . wWe were married just about 24 years .
dannydou dannydou
51-55
1 Response Jan 17, 2013

My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry and feel bad about what you are going through right now and will go through until you are finally healed, however long that may take. I lost my husband last year from a sudden heart attack. We had been together a total of 30+ years. There are good days and bad and even now almost a year later, I can still cry at the slightest reminder of him. I could just quickly glance at his picture and see his eyes so alive and it would make me remember how he used to look at me. A song on the radio that we both loved would play and tears would start rolling down my face. I am still healing from the pain of not having him around as we used to do everything together. He was not the type of person who liked to go to happy hours with friends; to him, being with family was what made him complete. There are conflicting emotions inside of me but I read books, stories, share my pain with friends (I try not to do it too much though because I don't want to "down" their moods), or I just set aside time to think about him, usually before going to bed when it was quiet, and prepare some tissues for the coming tears. Sometimes I know I look like a crazy person talking to him as if he was right there in the room with me but I feel better after crying and I consider that therapeutic. I have wonderful family and friends. I also have my child so I am lucky in that I have all these support system. However, not having my husband in my life will always leave an emptiness inside of me. I don't know what life has in store for me someday but when people advise me that "you're still young, you can still meet someone," they don't understand that I want that man, that husband of mine that is now buried in that cemetery that I go visit. I mean, it took a long time for us to be where we were in our lives, we went through all those experiences to learn from so that we would apply it to even better our lives for a longer and better future life. So, you can't just replace all that with anyone! It's sort of like going to college and modelling your career to be a Computer Engineer and then when you get your degree you say, I think I will now become a chef.

I wish you well, much strength and love from your family and friends and I pray that you go through this much easier than what I'm going through.