Who Am I?
My wife of over 30 yrs died suddenly about six weeks ago. I have been taking a lot of meds to deal with the grief and I am sure that I would be non functional if it weren't for them. In some moments of clarity, it occurs to me that people at my age can easily die without committing suicide. Simply stop taking required medicine, stop eating correctly, and it would be over like a leaky ship with the pump turned off. I feel that my wife and my marriage was a lot of what defined me. I don't seem to have much interest in pursuing the things that used to interest me nor care about projects that I was involved with. When I involve myself in these things now I can feel an empty void in my life. I want to continue to live, but it is hard to be life affirming any more which is another matter altogether. I am hoping that time will take care of the pain. There is really nothing I can complain about, though. I had a happy marriage right up to the day she died. Only a couple days before she died, she said she couldn't understand women who dreaded retiring and being with their husband all day because that was the thing she was looking forward to. She didn't suffer a long illness. I got much more from marriage than most people and certainly better than I deserved.
Sometimes I feel like I need to move forward a bit, but then I feel like I am not even sure who I am since half of me is gone now.