I Feel Empy Inside

I am recently widowed. My husband was 50 years old and I just turned 47. He was way too young to go and I am way too young to be a widow.

A week ago tonight, my husband of two and a half years passed away after a year long battle with lung cancer. He died the day after my birthday. I truly believe he willed himself to stay with me long enough to prevent that date to also be the anniversary of my one true love's death. He had been diagnosed the previous year on Christmas Eve, so we spent a year being frightened of holidays.

My sweetheart asked me to marry him six weeks after we met and we were married before we knew each other for 11 months. I am so glad that we didn't wait. We are both bikers and put over 15,000 miles on our bikes in the little time that we had together. I am just glad that he was able to ride throughout this riding season- and that he does not have to experience next riding season feeling the draw of the road and being too ill to follow it.

I know he will be waiting for me when it's my time to go- and he will have found the perfect twisty roads for us to ride for the rest of eternity.

LucySu LucySu
46-50, F
43 Responses Jan 19, 2009

My condolences on your loss dear Lucy, I'm sorry this happened, but you should be proud of yourself that your love for him is pure, and I am sure that he does love you more than anyone can, death is our bridge to the other side where there is peace and happiness, I am sure you will be rewarded for your deep love and patience to losing him, God never forgets us, you will be happy again, I know this sounds so lame but I know you got the point, you're strong, he is proud to have you, he sees you & would like you to be strong and positive.
I too lost my 17yro boyfriend when i was that age , it was indescribably painful because we grew up together & loved each other deeply, he died in a car accident and got all crushed, i faced two years of severe depression before i met my actual boyfriend who made me forget little by little about him, and now we live together and love each other deeply. I am not saying you should find a new love, but try to make something in his memory, such as charity activities, but also try to stay positive even he's gone now he is watching you and needs your prayers, hope you get over this painful event. My apologies if i said anything harmful. <3

In so sorry for your loss.


So sorry to read this... I lost my husband when i was 30 and he, 31. I was married for only a short while.. Had a taste of married life before It was all taken away from me. I know he will be there for me when it's my turn too. The pain will be there for a long time, but it does get slightly better with time, esp if you see a professional to unload to. Hugs*

I also lost my wife 28 days back.She left me on 18th March.She was 52 I am 54.We were married for 31 years.Lived together, fought together grew together.Not able to understand how to live with out her.How to start this new inning where I am all alone.I do not if she loved me but I loved her a lot.I was totally dependent on her.Now children are settled,she has left me alone,when I needed her most.Had she been loving me she would have not gone like this.I am totally shattered.<br />
Any advice please<br />

God Bless all of u..... Stay Strong

I am sorry for your loss. :-(

I to am recently widowed the love of my life lost her battel on july 15 11 she passed away in my arms we would have been maried 2 years the 27 of july i have three stepdauters one of them lives with me and two beutiful grandbaugters i asked god wy he did this to me he knew he was goin to take moma and that i need to take care of the kids. I love you moma ill be there when my chores dunn

I to am recently widowed the love of my life lost her battel on july 15 11 she passed away in my arms we would have been maried 2 years the 27 of july i have three stepdauters one of them lives with me and two beutiful grandbaugters i asked god wy he did this to me he knew he was goin to take moma and that i need to take care of the kids. I love you moma ill be there when my chores dunn

It has been 8 years since my wife died suddenly, am very sorry for your loss, I remember the pain vividly, there are no magic words that can take away the pain there is only time, with time you can bury the sad memories with the new memories that you create now.<br />
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I just started seeing a woman that I really like, this is my first relationship since Barbara passed, the strangeness of being with someone and not feeling adulterous is beginning to pass, I feel like new life has been breathed into my soul. <br />
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I hope you too find peace.

I am sorry for your loss. I, too, am 47, and my husband is 48. He smokes and is overweight with a family history of lung cancer and heart attacks. Although he is healthy now, I foresee widowhood in my future, and it makes me very, very sad.

I'm so sorry for your loss! I hope you feel better soon. Think of it this way: he would want you to be happy..

I lost my husband to leukaemia 10 years ago. He was only 42. I was busy looking after our children for the next couple of years. I joined a support group of younger bereaved widows and widowers; this helped. Strangely enough, we used to laugh a lot about the changes in our lives because we found we had experienced a lot of similar feelings, such as noticing that many people worry about such trivial stuff. A bereavement puts life in a different perspective. Grief comes and goes in waves, and slowly, new memories are laid down. I hope you can accept and trust your own feelings.

sorry for your loss. i just had my GF of 10 years leave me and wont let me see her kids so im a little empty myself. it's a day to day thing, goota get out and do things, cant sit inside and dwell.<br />
something i will say though, i can feel energy, sense it off of people, etc....we are all energy, it's all around us, so even though he isnt here physically anymore, he is still all around you. im also sure he'd want you to move on and be happy, so just hold your head up and take it one step at a time, breath in and breath out. good luck and god bless.

I am proud to see your eternal love towards your other half. surely and definetly you will be one soul. I am sure u r having some kind of divine or something in you which is nice.<br />
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My heartfelt condolasence, may god give you strength to bear such a great lose.

A friend of mine went through exactrly what your going through his wife died from a wasting disease only 50 years old, it was an awful time for him but he managed tor recover as you will too. Obviously he still misses her I mean its been six years and he keeps her slippers by the bed but that awful feeling of hopelessness will go away, and though it dosen't feel like it now you will be able to live your life again.

Well, it's been a few months now, his 48th birthday would have been this week..and I didn't cry. This is encouraging. At first, it seemed how wonderful he was, a lot of guilt with me..if I only could have..you know..well, the bottom line is that we cannot stop God from taking anyone...I thought through it all, and did all I could do for Jack's health...but I've come to realize it was simply his time. <br />
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The reason for my post today, is to THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS...THEY WORKED! I am personally getting stronger, oh, I'm aware I'll never forget those who loved me, or those who I loved, afterall, God gave us all a huge space in our hearts to love endlessly...and in a year will be much better . <br />
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A story of inspiration for us all....<br />
Life is hard to start over at 50, but just the other day, I witnessed a woman in her late 80's who got her diploma..and she stated she was widowed at my age too...but she carried on with life..and stated "LIFE IS FOR THE LIVING", (this was on TV..I'm not in councelling just yet, as a matter of fact I got into a rut of sleeping a lot at home, where there was no life, so I'm at my brother's where 3 people and many pets live, just to be motivated. I know I will be.. after all, I'm responding to you wonderful people, and I haven't been on here in a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnng time....and that in itself says a lot!) lol....well I hope that some of us can "hook up" and become "pen pals"... why not, right! If anyone is up to it, I certainly am...just let me know.<br />
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With Love, Prayers, and Tickles,<br />

Hi all,<br />
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Death is what im afraid of, dont want to see it happen to anyone, always a shock so unbelivable....<br />
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Will pray for all of you everyday to get courage to face the life..... Those who want to end your life, please don't think you are done when your partner leaves you in uncertainity.... may be somebody is out their who needs your help, please be their for them...<br />
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I am very sorry for your loss, How beautiful that you had such a wonderful life together. Not everyone has had that and in the end all of the wonderful years together can never be taken away. I hope and wish you are able to look back someday in fondness of the wonderful years and then move forward into the future and fill those years with happiness as well. Those years may not be the same but they can be beautiful too. I would think he would want that for you as well. Maybe I am saying all of this to soon but I am praying your emptyness will fade.

I lost my sons' father in September from a heart attack, and the love of my life, husband of 20 yrs died this February of a heart attack. I just turned 50, my husband was only 47. My life is gone now, since my husband passed. I feel like I've been a WIDOW TWICE IN 5 MONTHS!. My son's father and I were best friends for over 30 yrs, and I knew my husband when I was a child. (not to get them confused, my husband was 47, while my ex was a little older. My husband quit smoking 8 yrs ago, and gained weight. He lost 100 lbs in 3 months, prior to his gastric bypass surgery. On the day he was to return home to me, he died., because the surgery went wrong, there was a leak and they had to put him back in the operating room! IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS HAVING SURGERY, PLEASE ADVISE THEM AGAINST IT.<br />
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I am sorry for your loss. This is the most difficult time in my whole entire life. I pray we can overcome this. God Bless you all.

I'm sorry for your loss Lucy. You're right, 47 is young. VERY young. Young enough to do all that again. Really! It sounds like it's tough on you right now, but believe me, it'll get better. You'll reach a point where you finally feel like moving on. And when you do, you'll find that there is a whole new world awaiting you, as you open the first page of the next chapter of your life. Get out there and live it! Don't be scared of holidays, don't be scared of new relationships, don't be scared of ANYTHING. You're old enough to know better. Go after life with the gusto and vigor that he would have wanted. Respect the special relationship you had, but don't let it hold you back. Now it's YOUR time!

My sincere condolence on losing your husband. I recently lost my wife, soulmate, best friend also. She was 52 and I'm 55. We were married for 30 years. I know what you mean that THIS is way too soon in life to be a widower. I don't know how I can go on without her. Luckily we have three wonderful children and 5 grandchildren.<br />
We were avid boaters and I just bought her a 28' Larson Cabrio last may. We spent EVERY weekend on it last summer. I don't know how I can use it without her but I don't want to sell it either. I hope you're finding some peace of mind somehow. Best wishes!

am really sorry about your loss i know how you must be felling cause is nothing more painful then loosing someone you really love and care about, but just hang in there and keep on trusting god that siomehow he has a reason for doing this. love you hope you heal vaey soon

I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. I too share your pain. I do pray that time will bring you peace over your greif.

To all who have commented before me, I'm so sorry for your loses!! But what got me through and still getting me through is knowing life doesn't end after death of the flesh!!! Not to spook anyone but I have 23 years in paranormal phsycology and I know that they are still around us! May God Bless you all!!!!!

It's been 14 weeks & 2 days since I lost my husband of 21 years. I was only 19 when we met. We have three amazing kids...who are going through hell right now! I am 44 and I share your grief! I don't know how to go on with my life....if it weren't for my kids...????

LucySu...I'm sure he would want you to go on those curvy roads so he could share them with you right now...Could he help fill the emptiness that way? Would feeling him with you bring a smile?

I'm sorry for your loss. I loved the last paragraph that you put in. Be strong. Got out and do the stuff both of you did together. It will keep him close to you.

LucySu...sadly, I can say that I know how you feel. I lost my husband December 15th, 2006, of lung cancer, as well. He lived 2 years after his diagnosis and those were 2 bittersweet years. He was my everything! he had 2 grown children from his first marriage and I had no children and had never been married before. He was estranged from his children but we did get to be in the lives of her 3 daughters. Now, I only am in communication with one of the granddaughters. <br />
It's along story but if you'd like to chat with me, I'd love to share with you. I am 52 now but I turned 50, 2 months before he died. Anyway, you take care and I look forward to sharing with you, if you'd like. this is my first time on EP. God bless your heart.

I'm so sorry about your husband. I am here if you need to talk. I am a good listener. My husband lost 2 wives. He was afraid to marry me. I told him heaven don't want me and hell's afraid I'll take over so he won't be getting rid of me any time soon. That's what I use to tell my kids when they told me they were afraid of me dying. I saw that saying on a poster. You'll be okay. Just give it time and spend time doing things and not sitting around feeling bad.

hiscakes, my condolences on your loss and the depth of your grief. It has been a little bit over a year since the departure of my wife and the haze is slowly starting to lift although the pain though not as acute, still remains!

i am so sorry for your loss. my husband too was only 53 way too young and it is just going to be 1 month. your story of the snow really hit me as jimmy too was "the snow man" he could shovel and plow for days! there are so many things that remind me of him each day and i dont know how i am going to go on. we would be married 30 years the end of april. i am just sad. and my hear breaks for all who have lost the love of their life.

I am sorry to hear of your loss. I too just lost my husband and best friend suddenly on 1-30-09 and am feeling so lonely and depressed. My griefing is quite painful. There is an emptiness that can't be described. I feel all the emotions that everyone has described. I just wonder if I will ever be able to smile again. My husband was my life so I feel quite lifeless. Please pray for my strength in the days and months ahead and I will pray for your strength too. I am only 46 and my husband was 50. I never would have thought that I would now be a widow with a life that does not include my life partner. We did everything together so I am quite depressed. But through God's comfort and prayers, I trust we can all overcome our pain.

I'm really sorry to hear that. I hope you're doing okay.

God be with you.

I'm sorry for your loss. Don't worry, you guys will be reunited eventually. Death is never forever. (that sounds kind of morbid, but I think you understand :)

My sympathies to you in your loss, many have lost ones dear to us, in this we share I think, reach out to those close please and know that many care, they just don't know how to do it, don't blame them, they just feel scared and awkward.. love to you and keep strong even when you don't feel like it.

My very heartfelt condolences to all that have lost a spouse. I to have lost my soul mate, my love, my best friend, but sadly he chose to end his life. So if I can express, I got a double blow, with the guilt and tabu of it. I can not express the total devastation this loss has done to myself and our son. The pain does not seem to lesson, it grows more intense as the months pass, I suppose the shock is over, but the hopes and dreams died with him, I feel tired, and old, he was 49, and I am 44, I wish I could have saved him, but I know that was impossible. Thanks all for being here, sadly we are in a group that nobody wished to be a part of, but life comes at you, and you must deal with it. I suppose like everyone else here, I wanted to join him, but we have our children, this is the only reason for my sticking around. Our children, it is a good reason, indeed. Time will heal, is what they tell me, but what do I do in the mean time

Thank you, BigLouie62, for your thoughts, especially while you, too, are grieving. I truly believe that if we had experienced a love that opened our hearts, that we will again have our hearts filled. We have been primed by love for further love. That is what my sweet baby would want for me and I'm sure your wife would want that, too. In the meantime we just have to wonder how emptiness can hurt so deeply. <br />
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May your children give you strength. We will make it through this.

BigLouie, I send you my condolences on your recent loss. My sympathies to you and your family on this most terrible and unexpected loss. Please know that losing your spouse is different for all, but one common theme is the emptiness that you describe. If there is anything I can do for your through EP, please let me know and my very best wishes to you and your family during these tough times!

Thank you, nudeinva and gdgtgrl for your kind comments.

Thanks gdgtgrl, I too have lost a spouse, my wife passed March.

I'm adding my sincere sympathies too. I lost my Dad to lung cancer in June. I' can only say this...every emotion, every thought is ok...feel them.

My condolences on the loss of your husband. I hope that you are able to get back on your feet as quickly as possible!