Loving Her

We weren't married, but we may as well have been. I love her with all my heart and she felt the same way about me. One day in November of 2007 the love of my life was admitted into the hospital and just a few days later she passed away.

She was in pain every second and I was there as much as I possibly could be. Her parents didn't really seem to care, they hardly even checked in on her, but that made it easier for me to slip in unnoticed. You see, our relationship was (is) a complete secret for many reasons. I watched her convulse with pain as her organs started failing one by one and she finally passed on in my arms just after telling me how much she loved me. I felt her die.

We may not have been married (yet) but we definitely planned on it. She was (still is) my everything, the only thing that has ever truly mattered to me and I would do absolutely anything to get her back. She was beautiful, smart, talented, and my other half. Marraige would have been perfect, but I've found that no one is allowed to have perfect and when you get close it gets ripped away from you for no apparent reason.

I love her with all my heart and I'm completely miserable every second she's gone

godsmack666 godsmack666
18-21, M
10 Responses Feb 9, 2009

Thanks Vendetta, I always enjoy hearing your opinion on things

I've never had someone I was in love with die. I've lost both of my parents and I've lost my best friend, though, so I can only imagine. Unless my wife and I die together, one of us will have to go through this like you did. I know this and accept it. It's simply part of the human condition. Time will eventually dull the pain, but it won't ever go away, and you shouldn't want it to, in my opinion. I wish you the best, and hope your journey is kinder to you in the future.<br />
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If you want you can read about some of my difficult times if you haven't already:<br />
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<a href="http://www.experienceproject.com/uw.php?e=413500" target="ep_blank">http://www.experienceproject.com/uw.php?e...</a><br />
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<a href="http://www.experienceproject.com/uw.php?e=441762" target="ep_blank">http://www.experienceproject.com/uw.php?e...</a>

I'm still trying to figure that one out...

I watched John go to........<br />
Tlhat was bad. I watched as he gasped for air....He suffocated which caused him to go into cardiac arrest.<br />
I watched. I know how you feel. I still see it in my head everyday. I can never forget the look he gave me when he told me he was dying.<br />
I remember the empty look in his eyes when I told them to stop trying to revive him. <br />
I couldn't even kiss him good-bye because of the tube in his mouth.<br />
How can anyone move on when they watch their most beloved die..........

I'll do my best, you are a good friend.<br />
Thank you,<br />
Res

Just be happy, my friend! That's all I ask.<br />
Jo

Thanks Jojo, your kind words always mean the world to me. I'm sorry about your first husband but I'm glad that you found someone else that makes you happy. I'm not remotely ready to begin thinking about moving on, but hopefully one day. <br />
<br />
Thanks for everything,<br />
Resem

Resem, I am so sorry for what you went through and the pain that you feel every day of your life. I know there are no words to help ease your pain. I lost my first husband to Leukemia. He was 36, I was 32. We had 2 beautiful daughters together.<br />
It was the hardest thing in the world to lose the love of my life but life has a funny way of throwing new good things to good people. I am now married to my husband's best friend, he was the best man at our wedding and he is my best man still today. We have been together for the past 15 years. You are young and good things can happen in your life if you open your heart (when you're ready) and let them in. I never thought it would be possible for me, but it was and is. I wish you all the best life has to offer, including love and happiness. You can't compare the two but you can enjoy what you have when you have it! With Love,<br />
<br />
Jo

That is How I feel.If Ian and I had had time to marry I know it would have been wonderful.<br />
Maybe in the next life?....

My heartfelt condolences!