Suicide Widow

my husband killed himself in our house in Aug 2008 .We had recently seperated after 28 years of marriage . now I am trying to live with the guilt  , I am not alone I have both my grown-up sons with me but need to do things by myself .

dancraig dancraig
46-50, F
2 Responses Feb 11, 2009

theredlady is right. It is not your fault and there is nothing that you could have done to change the outcome, it was with him and up to him. Change comes from within and not without. So when people act or fail to act, it is usually their own fault, despite how they may want to dole out the blame since they cannot bear to accept responsibility for their own actions.<br />
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So please remember the good times that you had and pray for him and relieve yourself of the responsibility for his actions! My condolences to both of you and I wish you peace, joy and serenity.

There is no reason for you to feel guilty. I had guilt when my husband died as a result of a bloodclot in his lung. It was all caused by an infection in his foot that resulted in him loosing it and then the clot formed while he was waiting for his prosthetic. Being a large man he had to wait longer than normal for the swelling leave and for his muscle to atrophy enough to wear one. <br />
That extra wait cost me. He told me after he lost his leg that if I had tried harder to get him to go to the doctor he wouldn't have lost his leg........<br />
I hated myself for a long time. I did try, John was an obstinate man and was critical of the medical profession because he had once been an orthopedic surgical asst. in the Navy. Even though I know he was only depressed and said it in anger, It was now there in my head. It took me a long time to realize that It wasn't my fault. My friends tell me it was his fault, but how can anyone really know about this kind of thing? <br />
I can't alleviate your guilt, but I can share mine and maybe it will help you overcome. There are others here , too, that share stories like yours and perhaps their stories will help you as well.