I Lost My Soul Mate of 35 Years

I am recently Widowed after 35 years to the best man in the world .  We met on March 15 1974 and was married after only knowing each other for 6 weeks.Of course we had problems, but doesn't everyone who is in love.  We had 2 beautiful children and we have 4 wonderful grandchildren. My husband passed away in his sleep only 4 months ago on the 8th of march.  Our anniversary is coming up and I don't know if I can make it through that, I almost couldn't make it through the holidays it was so painful.  If it weren't for my daughter and grandson and her upcoming birth of our granddaughter I couldn't have survived. I knew my husband was sick, but I wouldn't let myself believe he was that sick.  I tried to stay up that night to check on him, because he wasn't feeling well that day , but after checking on him at 10:30 I fell asleep and didn't wake up until 1:20 and it was too late.  My daughter spent the night with me , she knew how nervous I was and she performed CPR on him for 30 min. but it was to late .I lost half my life that night and all I wanted to do was die. It still isn't getting any better in fact , it's getting wosre. I need to talk to other women in my shoes.  PLEASE HELP ME TRY TO UNDERSTAND WHY I LOST MY OTHER HALF AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE HE WAS 54 JUST 3 DAYS BEFORE HE PASSED AND I AM 49.

survivor35 survivor35
46-50
1 Response Mar 10, 2009

Survivor,<br />
I lost my husband in much the same way. He wasn't feeling well. I tried to take care of him. I tried to stay awake for him. In the end I was awake when I called the ambulance and made sure my kids had someone at the house. I followed to the hospital praying all the way. I got to the hospital in time for him to look up at me and tell me *I'm dying*. Then they told me to step out and that was that. Less than a minute later they asked me if I would come back in to see that they were doing all they could. I didn't have to, but I did. <br />
They tried while I held his hand and begged him silently to come back to me. He didn't. I knew he wouldn't. <br />
I told them to stop, because he wasn't there anymore. I wasn't crying........I just was like frozen inside.<br />
I looked at the doctor and he was watching me talk and he was crying so hard while looking at me. I remember thinking *why is he crying?*<br />
I don't know how I made it through all the holidays, but by the Grace of God and the love of my three children. None of whom are grown yet. We are all still here together.<br />
My anniversary is also coming up in just a few days. <br />
Things will get worse for a time. It doesn't get better. It just changes. It takes time to adjust to the changes. <br />
My advice is to cry your eyes out whenever you want. Let it show if need be. You have lots of love to cover you. Surround yourself with it. <br />
Be happy in the knowledge that you have had a beautiful life. Let the love of your husband carry you. Remind yourself. Don't wallow in self-pity, we all suffer this pain at some point. <br />
I am here to help you. I will talk to you when you need me. Your family will be there even more. <br />
Remember that he would want you to move forward. Honor his love for you by living for him.<br />
He will be waiting for you. Guiding you. <br />
God gives us no burden we cannot withstand. He has given you the gift of great love. Don't waste it . Use it.<br />
<br />
That's all I can tell you. There is no easy answer. Talk to people. Don't shut them out. Sometimes strangers are better to talk to. <br />
We are all strangers here,but at the same time, we are all friends in need. <br />
Come and talk. We will listen and share with you.