I've Lost the Love of My Life

I lost my darling husband 7 weeks today suddenly of an heart attack never suffered before with it. he was my best friend now i am all alone and miss him so much. I still think i am going to wake up from this nightmare but every morning i know it is not going to happen. I have two children in their late teens and they have their own lives what with boyfriends and friends. My life feels that it is over cause i have no one  to look after. My husband and i were inseperable he was my world and every minute of each day i think of him. People tell me think of the good memories you have but i  dont want memories or photos i want him back. He was a wonderful man who always thought of others. We had seven wonderful years together we thought the world of each other. I know my darling would  hate to see me like this cause he always said that 'Thats all he wanted in life was for me to be happy' which i was knowing he was with me.  My darling was only 51 years old we had plans for the rest of our lives now all our plans are gone.

belrich belrich
4 Responses Mar 21, 2009

I feel exactly as you... I am 42 my husband was my EVERYTHING my teens have their lives and I have nothing...I feel so alone we had so many plans he always said we would grow old together and die together like in the movie "The Notebook" now it's just me all by myself 2 months have gone by and I still hurt like it happened today.... the sight of his dead bloody body will haunt me forever.

I actually read your story a few days ago, but I couldn't comment at the time. I was at a loss for words.....<br />
I am still unsure of what to say other than your story has made me cry all over again. I relive what happened with my husband when I read your story. I am not sure why your story stirs me more than most. I lost my husband almost 2 years ago. I am better than I was, but I still have moments when I just sit and cry. I have learned to live without him, but I wish I didn't have to.<br />
My daughter used to tell me that her daddy followed her around and talked to her. She would tell me that he said he loves us and is watching us. She used to until my son became angry with her. She doesn't say it anymore. Sad. <br />
I wish you well and if you need to talk I will be here, just message me.

Thanks for responding to my story. It nice to talk to people who know what each other are going through. I wake up every morning hoping it was just a nightmare but then i realise it is not and have to face another day alone with out him. We had loads of plans to travel when the children had grown up but all those plans have gone now just memories. People tell me to think of the good times. All my times were good never had a cross word he was my best friend. We did everything together. He was on a life support machine for three days but i knew deep down that i had lost him straight away but i didnt want to accept it until the doctor actually tells you. The funeral for him was really personal to him and hundreds of people turned up which showed what a well liked person he was to his many friends. i am receiving counselling now and have my second session today i will try anything to take awaay the pain but i don't think that is going to happen. I have been off work since my darling passed away but i am going to try and go back in two weeks to try and get some sort of routine back in my life. If you would like to chat more i can send you my email address. i live in the UK.<br />
Take care Belrich

your srory has brought the pain of my own husband passing away suddenly after a brain anurism left him brain dead. and me stunned and alone stading at his side. The doctor voice eccoing in my head words i thought i would never here. He can't be gone, Your lying to me, so manny denials were all I could face, my love, we were together 18 wonderful yrs. and went through manny toug times, we had plans for wen the kids grew up and we would travel together. I felt like my life was compleate with him at my side, and now I was left to face my dreams and my fears alone. about a hundred people came to the hospital to say ther good bys and wich me well, I felt alone with all the love of the universe surrounding me. So cold and alone, broken and numb. our little children still fighting with each other as they came in to the hospital. not knowingg they would never see him , laugh and play with their daddy again. They didn't know he was gone. they didn't know what death really ment. so they went to my sisters house wile I tried to come to terms with our future without him, 3 days passed his mother came from accross country and we let him drift off to sleep. I left that hospital on a bitter cold evening not feeling the cold not feeling anything, Knowing he would want me to take care of his mom, I took her and my kids home, My family didn't want me to take them yet but I had to, they were part of him the only part of him I had left. I wanted to watch them play and fight and laugh and sing. To try to go on like I knew he would want me to do. That was a year ago, know I have felt every possible feeling immaginable, My 6 yr old became sueisdel, My 12 yr. old was cutting on herself, because she thought it was her falt he died. my 7 yr old was writting letters to heaven every day. and my 9 yr old stayed locked up in her room because their was no one to call her princess anymore. now they are stable and my tears can finnely flow free. I no longer have to hold them back so I can help them greave. now there's time for me. Now i have a few new dreams and a few new friends, and I buy my own presents, Its been a long lear, and I have finely started to heal. but never forget I am part of him and he is part of me. forever. I'll see my love again in Heaven, He was creamated against my will, so I have told my kids, and my sisters if I die burry me with him in my casket. so we can wake up together when christ comes to get us. They think im morbid but he has a currio cabbinet in my liveing room where his ern is and the kids have a wooden box to put letters to dad and they place little things they make for him in the case with him. It has been extreamly hard on them to try to beleave thats him in the box and that all of him is in that little box. my 6 yr old asked me when I was going to get another box for his arms, becaue they could'nt fit in this one. he asked me that again a yr later still thinking that I left part of dad of the mortuary and only put part of him in the box. I have a hard time with it to, I never signed the papers I would have had to sign to have him creamated. It was a mistake on the moturtarys part. now how do I live with that I don't trust them, maybe he's not all there or maybe that is not him at all. I don't know. I wish you the best and hope if you need to talk you can allways talk to me. <br />
hugs Beth