I Miss My Wife

I recently lost my wife of 29 years. It was sudden, I never got to say goodbye. It has been such a hard 6 months - if I had known how hard it would be I would have gone crazy in the first month.  But now that I have gotten this far I know the worst is behind me. I've been able to hold onto some happy memories, and mix some laughter in with the tears.  I do have some happy times now, and I encourage anyone going thru this painful loss to hang in there; you will have some good days again.

Still, sometimes its so hard to face the rest of my life without her. I felt I knew her the moment we met.  i believe we will meet again, and some days I can hardly wait, although I know I have to remake this new life and somehow find some joy and a purpose. I'm sad and lonely and sometimes I'm just pathetic, but I know I will keep trying.

Some people are encouraging me to date. i can't imagine loving anyone so much again, but I would like to show a woman pictures of my wife and talk about her. I've been told that would not be a good date. I agree. 

mergelayers mergelayers
51-55, M
3 Responses Feb 15, 2010

I am so sorry for your loss. My husband died February 18th, hard to believe it is almost a month ago. I never got to say goodbye to my husband either, I went to wake him up, but he was all ready gone. He was 43 yrs old and we have been married almost 23 years. When your ready to start dating you will know, take everything instride I guess. This is all new to me and I just try to get by hour by hour, day by day.

I'm feeling the same thing you're feeling. On Father's day, last year, my husband who i had been with for 29 years called for me for help. He said he couldn't breathe or feel his legs and that he was dizzy. I tried to help him and had 911 on the phone but then he told me he was dying and i told him he wasn't. He said yes he was, and then he died. I tried to resuscitate him but he was already gone. I still can't comprehend this. He was my world and all i have done since that day is cry and can't picture a life without him. I carry his drivers license with me at all times so i can show people when i am out. I spend most of my time in my house because i'm afraid to go out, i'm afraid of a life without my husband. Most people don't understand what i'm going through, all of our friends have treated me like a leper.<br />
I met this man at 19. He was my first, last and only love. People tell me the future will be brighter but without him i see that as an impossibility. I want so much to be with him. I totally understand what you're going through. If you'd like to talk, i'd be glad to answer. <br />
<br />
-Deb

2Emotional, you are 2Kind. Thank you!