I'm writing this for my mom. She has never used a computer so i am slowly teaching her how and she is in the process of typing our story in a word document which will eventually be posted here. Since i'm on the computer all the time she requested that while she's still composing her story that i introduce her to this community so she knows that there will at least be someone here she can talk to. She's desperate to reach out to someone who has recently been widowed.

Here's a short summary for you:

She lost her husband, my father, this past father's day. It was so sudden and without warning and we are both devastated beyond belief. My mom and dad were married for 26 years and had 2 daughters, my sister age 25 and myself age 23. He was the most important person in all of our lives and my mom and i both feel pretty hopeless. My sister currently lives across the country in Colorado and doesn't really contact my mom and I too often so neither of us truly knows how she is dealing with this. Its just my mother and I at home now and neither of us can really will ourselves to do anything. We don't get out of the house and all we seem to do is sleep.

I will let my mom do most of the talking, but she wanted me to get her started here. I'm not sure when she will have her story all done and ready for posting but hopefully it will be soon. We appreciate anyone who is willing to reach out to us. Thank you for your time.

BabsBunny BabsBunny
46-50, F
4 Responses Feb 16, 2010

I have been widowed now almost three years. I know I'm not a recent widow, but I have three young children yet at home. We lost our husband/ father quite suddenly too. It's never easy to go out into the world and just live again after such a loss, but we had to. I had to. I encourage you both to go out and if you do nothing more than take walks or picnics or visiting friends. You need to. Cry. Just like bperry said. Wherever you are, whoever you're with. If you feel like crying then that is what you do. I've done it so many times. Crying is healing and breaks the weight that bears down on you. Listen to music... It connects you and allows you to feel release. Let yourself be sad in front of the whole world. It will calm you.

I'm so glad that you and Bperry connected. There is no better understanding of losing a spouse than from a kindred spirit!

I know it hurts. I wish I could say something to make both of you feel better. I guess its important to know that what you are feeling is normal - I'm going through something similar since I lost my wife in August. I never wished i was dead, but there were lots of times I would have accepted death just to be with my wife. Eventually I realized it doesn't work that way, and we have to get on with our lives and finish the work we were put here to do. I fought that for the longest time, but eventually you have to accept it (and that is really painful too). Getting out of the house is important. Don't be afraid to to get out there and cry in public. I found that I had to cry buckets of the hard tears before I got to the gentle tears, and now I can sometimes smile at a picture or memory and cry at the same time. I know it will never be the same. I still have lots of sad moments, and i can't imagine a brighter future without my wife, but I have decided to remake my life into something that I feel good about. You can too, Deb, but you'll have to get out of the house to do it. I really recommend some grief counseling, like hospice or Griefshare. The best thing (for me) about the counseling is that you find out everything you are feeling, thinking, or hallucinating is completely normal, you are not nuts!

I remember when my father died, my mother couldn't/wouldn't go to her regular hair dresser, doctor, church, she just couldn't take seeing people. She was always so outgoing it was so sad to see her like this. It took her a couple of years to get accustomed to not having him here anymore. It took all of us a long time before things felt normal again. She went on to live 25 happy years without him before she died. That's what your mom needs to believe, there will be happy years again. They never are the same but they're happy none-the-less!! Wishing you both peace of mind and strength during your period of grief and loss.