Widowed After 32 Years Together?

I have a very special husband that I have been married to (will be 32 years this month). I lost him to a heart attack on 1-5-10. I am so lost! I lost a 21 year old son only 8 months ago in a car accident. We also lost our 24 year old son to an (overrdose) in October 2007. My heart can't take losing my soul mate! God has taken all of our family to heaven except we have 1 last son (our eldest) but he is married and lives out of state. I go to the cemetary everyday to visit the 3 of them. I am so overwhelmed that I have not been able to go back to work. We rented our house so I had to sell many of our things and I moved into a one bedroom apartment that I could afford by myself. I can't comprehend all of my loss in the last couple of years...there are no words. I am going to visit our son next week for 10 days, thinking that will help me continue on? I loved him so very much! We did everything together! Our date night was Thursday nights. We were still grieving over our sons and now I am by myself. I have never lived in an apartment and I have never lived by myself. I don't even want to accept that the Lord has given me a new day. I will always have them in my heart. I realize that they are at peace and I am the one that can't stop crying...Help! Anybody?


51-55, F
Mar 13, 2010