Life Goes On, But Scars Remain

I was 14 when I started. I couldn't handle my moms drinking and emotional abuse anymore but I didn't have any one to talk to and my emotions were getting harder and harder to contain. I then read the book Cut, by Patricia McCormick and I figured I'd give cutting a try. The amount of relief I felt from cutting is unexplainable to a non cutter. I started out using a blunt piece of plastic that I'd have to repeatedly strike against my arm to even make a scratch. After my mom found out I cut I decided to try a razor blade. I made a nice clean cut on my stomach. It was game over for me at that point. Twice a day I'd go in the bathroom and cut my stomach. I just took the blade and went from one side to the other over and over and over until I couldn't feel anymore. After sometime I didn't feel a thing when I cut. The pain a was lost in sea of numbness. I eventually stopped cutting my stomach and moved to my shoulders. I made short deep cuts that hurt and seemed to keep bleeding. 

I stopped cutting for good when I was 17. My mom got sober and I moved away to make a life or myself. I still think about what would happen if I picked up a blade and stared cutting again. But the more I think about it the more I realize that I don't want to cut. That part of my life is over (hopefully for good) and I'm starting a new chapter that is self injury free. 
ConfusedTeenGirl ConfusedTeenGirl
22-25, F
1 Response Dec 14, 2012

I'm so glad there are people who are making it through still!
I have such a hard time some nights, but I doodle on my skin now.