Long Road

I have been cutting since I was 13 years old. It began as a way to deal with my SA. I just got out of the hospital, my second time in a psych ward, and I really want to make the last time I cut the very last time. It only hurts more. Its a vicious addiction and not a good way to cope with anything.
silverlining silverlining
22-25, F
5 Responses Jul 4, 2007

o and i had 11 addmissions to adult psychiatry, but wen i was 15 i was admitted to an adolescent treatment unit wher unlike adult psychiatry yr medicated n left mainly to deal with it r showin signs of dealin with it, i was given the chance to go thru intense therapy to deal with my issues instead i pissed about n chose not to use my time wisely i still have all those issues that adult psychiatry do not deal with, if yr given the chance to go thru counselling r therapy b completly honest with yrself and yr therapist its the only way to reach the root and cause to work out yr treatment strategy.

well to start it has been one of the hardest and only addictions i ever experienced to recover from including prostitution, blow, xtc, speed, gas sniffing, bulimia, binging, promiscuous behavour, it was the one behavour i controlled most how deep, how i wantd to scar, wer i wantd to scar, who knew my scars what i cnt controll now is my scars, i hate them n if theres 1 thing id change its self mutilation, it mite seem strange but im happier now that i take xtc most w/ends to escape, do prostitution most weeks to have n spend as much money as i want n b sick to control my weight wen i want not ideal but behavours that i choose to make me happy n not in their severity, i dnt recommend substituting any of these with self harm but what i have learnt is there is enuf support in the rite way if u want it to find a healthy substitution, i kno frm experience therll always n almost has to b a substitute wen moving on frm cutting r any detrimental addiction make it a healthy 1 try a hobby r recovering annonymous. when the urge hits b yr own best friend.

Cutting is a very difficult addiction, and to me its basically the same things as drugs. I am a recovering cutter, and I havent done it in about 9 months. Not to say that I dont want to, because everytime some stupid petty little things happens thats the first thing that pops into my head. I havent been much of a yeller or someone who throws a fit and gets mad so I saw cutting as a way to release my anger. I always felt that I blamed myself for everything that happened and cutting was a way of "punishing" me for what I did. Recovery is one of the hardest things to go through, but with time and patients and faith youll make it<br />

what do you think the trigger was after a year?<br />
i read another of you stories and seriously think you high risk of emotionally shutting down and letting the numbness take you.find someone to counsel you you have had a life that no child deserves<br />
you will find that there are people out there who love you<br />
please find the help you need even if your as tough as you are.<br />
take care of yourself

honestly i feel that cutting is equivalent to a drug... stupid and addictive.. i have done it since i was 11... 3 days ago i did it again and it was my first time in almost a year... its a hard thing to stop but i know that its hard. Im right there with you on the i want my last cut to be the last one...