Just Another Chapter.

my name is crystal. i am recovering from a lot of things but one of the main issues was cutting. i think it all started out when i was 12. i was raped by a boy that i see everyday. every ******* day. and its so hard. i didnt know how to deal with it so i tried cutting and it stuck. as things progressed, i pushed everyone away, including my best friend shirley.  she got into a tragic accident, and shes gone forever.  that just made me lose it.  i lost control of everything, and i started finding many things wrong with my life and i figured they would all go away if i just cut one more time. guess waht it didnt work. it became an addiction. i wouldnt talk about anything i was scared to trust anyone becuase i trusted him. i finally found my 8th grade language art teacher who i really connected with. we started talking all the time. she is the one person in the world i ever trusted. we tried a whole bunch of differnt methods to stop my self mutilation. nothing seemed to last long enough. but back to the story. my father is an alcoholic and my mother is addicted to pain medications. well i guess its any type of medication. they act like i dont exist and the only time they communicate with me is when we were fighting. its taken a really long time and i havent cut in a month. im becoming a more independent person. i know that what i have just lived through was just another chapter in my life, and now its time to move on.
crystalirwin crystalirwin
18-21, F
2 Responses Jul 22, 2007

your stor is a sad one new luck later in life

I hope you'll do well, life is so hard, I reached out to my one of my teachers, she helped me so much, even offered to go to one of my phyciatry sessions. When she saw my arm she broke out into tears, it broke my heart to know that I broke hers, she and my mom sent me to the hostpital, they just left methere alone, but i was onky there for 1 night, still i felt like a piece of ****. I'm still mad at my teacher, no matter how many times i try to 4give her, i just think about what she did, and how she made me feel, and it just makes me hate her even more, but i love her to death because she loves me, but at the same time I want to hate her ****** guts.<br />
<br />
But right now I'm on medical leave from school b/c i cant handle being there, or being around her right now,but i should be back there in a couple of days. I' just gonna ignore her- thats what my phycologist told me 2 do, she even called my school to tell them that when i get back, to back the hell off of me, and for her(my teacher) to leave me alone until im ready to talk to and handle her again.<br />
So ya and thats only part of it, my life sucks, and i can only hope 4 it to get better, the only people i really trust are my mom, my boyfriend, and some of my friends. maybe I'll learn 2 trust more people the way that they trust me. <br />
IDK why people look up 2 me, I'm not a role model and I most certainly dont claim 2 be one.