I Think I Know What I Need To Do Now

this past year for me has been anything but what i expected. I graduated in 09 one month after graduation i was homeless living in my car because my dad was laid off and we had no where to go no lets take that back i had no where to go he did. i mananged to find a low paying job  and cheap housing with a girl i barely knew. my dad helped support me with his unemployment checks for a few months then he gave me a months notice that he would no longer be able to help me because he was going to college. wow i thought to myself im so glad you get to go to college dad again when ive never been how lucky for you. a friend of mine hooked me up with a job im a very hard worker and i excelled they wanted to make me head of the department of which at the time my friend was head of they made me fire her ...i did...they also laid off another employee i had grown close to who had been there longer than me and was much older but they never told her that she was laid off so that they wouldnt have to pay the taxes on it i was told to go along with it not talk to her and keep my mouth shut...i did... for the money i gave up my beliefs i gave up myself and i am ashamed i never thought it would come to the day when i couldnt look myself in the mirror when at nineteen all i know all i do all i speak is work and i feel so empty. i know what to do now. i was so ambitious and had a dream i said nothing would get in my way i was in such a hurry to grow up. well not anymore im going home to my small country town, dont get me wrong i did acomplish my dream im not a quiter but its time for a new dream and that is to enjoy the rest of my life. im going to college and im going with my friends and never ever agian will i sell my moral values for money.  im going home to enjoy the small things. the smell of burning leaves in the fall the lightning storms in spring the peace of home h*****ys laugh  m****s way of making me laugh so hard i want to **** my pants and the simple knowledge that im living by my code my beliefs my dream is to just get to be me

lvtd lvtd
2 Responses Mar 7, 2010

That is such a wonderful sentiment. I know the feeling of having to be pro-active and progressive, competitive in the Corporate industry, looking out for your own best interest is not a friendly user environment. I have done it for so long I sometimes loose myself, but will not put my values on the line. <br />
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At this point of my life when I am done with my Graduate studies I want to move back to a small community where I can have peace of mind. <br />
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I commend you for your strong principles.

Wow, you sure have had a difficult time. You are a strong and courageous young lady. I am sorry you have went through so much.<br />
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I know what it is like to be homeless and it is emotionally exausting and it makes life feel hopeless. And you're right your not a quiter. I hope things are going better for you now.<br />
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Take care.