Recovering Addict

I am sure my story is very similar to so many others that have or still are addicted to Adderall but I felt the need to share my story considering this is the first time I have ever shared it openly.

I am 43 years old with two beautiful children been a stay home mom for twenty years. After the tragic death of my mother in 1998 I drank myself into alcoholism at the tender age of 35 (was caught blindsided ) never thought that a beverage could have such a powerful effect like it did on me so I arrested the drinking and started attending AA, after ten years in and out of AA and thousands of relapses, I finally manage to put six months of sobriety together in May of last year.

That was until one afternoon while at a get together at my brother-in-laws house one of my sister-in-laws slipped me an adderral yes it did occurr to me that I was in danger of taking something that would alter my mood but was under the delusion that I had control over this demon (never consider myself a pill head just an alcoholic) that is the twisted thinking of an addict for you. All bets were off I found "God" sort of speak and found myself in a chair at my GP office lying through my teeth that I suffered with ADD, without hesitation he prescribed me a 30 day supply of 20mgs well as an addict 20mgs is not enough so I took 40 within two weeks after downing that bottle went back for a follow up and explained to him I was in need of a higher dosage so once again without questioning he gave me a supply for 40mgs within two days of taking 40mgs that still wasn't enough and found myself slipping an extra one, now I was at 60mgs a day . I lost 15lbs looked gaunt and horrible despite the dark circles around my eyes and my skelton figure and eating nothing but hershey's kisses and Red bulls all day I thought I was fine, once again the twisted thinking of an addict . I went from being this productive happy go lucky women to a feral woman sitting outside chain smoking. I walked out on my job because I couldn't handle the stress and was to irritable to be around my coworkers, I isolated from my family trust me they didn't want to be around me as well.

I suffer with Menieres and one of the drugs they prescribe to Menieres patience is Valium so I had access to Valium. By the end I was taking 60mgs of Adderall and 40mgs of Valium in the evening to come down.

My appearance was as ugly as my as my inside and I couldn't take it anymore I was held hostage with this demon, the counting of the pills everyday the embarrassment of pharmacist telling me Mrs. Trevino this prescription is being filled to early are you taking the proper dosages? To the erratic behavior in front of my family.

Finally my last straw was one night sitting out on my patio chain smoking I hallucinated while on the phone with a friend and screamed and crawled into a fetal position and bawled my eyes out crying that I needed help, to this day if it wasn't for that experience (which was my bottom) it wouldn't of led me to rehab two days later . I am so thankful I had the courage and dignity not only for myself but for my family to be released of that bondage that I was captured in . I just wanted to share my experience strength and hope with others that you can be released as well TRUST me I know the cycle I know the twisted thoughts been there done that but it takes willingness!! Please reach out and get honest and REAL I had too it saved my life!! VaL

ValerieT ValerieT
41-45, F
3 Responses Mar 16, 2010

Wow, this is so honest- how courageous of you to share that. I quit adderall 2 months ago after taking it for 3 years and I'm really struggling at the moment. It's nice to read your experience, it gives me some strength which I so desperately need right now

Having a family with you can be big leverage for considering addictions and such. Though family is good motivater, someday it might not be such. To find the motivation for freedom as an individual person, that is my challenge. I also thank God for the "bottoms" I've hit in the past, and trying to thank Him for the one's I'll have in the future, while sorry about the effect on those for whom I care and that rely on me from time to time.<br />

Thank you but it still haunts me!!