I Deserve to Be Hated

when i was young,i had no idea how fortunate i was to have the kind of family i had.i guess i just took for granted the closeness that we all had at one time,i just figured everybody's families were like that...i couldn't have been more wrong.i always thought i knew everything, and i always thought that i had all the answers...again WRONG!my parents were very young when they got married,they were only 18yrs old and by 19 they had me.i guess in the beginning life was difficult but good.my dad worked all the time and so did my mom.i was the first granchild...the first girl in the family so even till this day my grandmother says i was the queen for 5 whole years,then my uncles started havin kids,and well,there went my throne!so basically,whatever i wanted i got and i can still remember saying these two little words that worked everytime..." i wish" and magically my wishes would come true!even after my brother and cousins came along i was still treated extra special by my grandmother and uncles and parents...so how i could have such an evil,devious mind i don't understand.up until i was 14 my father had me on a pedestal...but then i messed up.they found a boy in my room and i automatically fell from grace.my mother and i were never really close but a while after this my parents started havn problems and all of a sudden my mother and i were best friends and miss know it all started counseling my mother.little did i know the repricussions those words would produce.before i knew it my parents divorced after 18yrs of marriage...the house got sold,my brother went with my father i went with my mother and my whole entire world turned upside down.then i left my mother and lived with my father too..so my mom stayed alone.my dad said that if i went to live with him he would buy me a brand new car and i could go visit her everyday...at 17yrs old that sounded like an awesome idea.basically,i counseled my mother to divorce and then i abandoned her.i regret my words everyday of my life.now my only hope is to die one day before all of them do and my last dying wish will be to have my mother ,my father ,my brother,and my sister all in the same room at the same time.right now we're all scatered all over the place,but i know that when i die we will all be together again...even if it's just for one moment.
veronique31 veronique31
31-35, F
2 Responses Jan 30, 2007

This did not start with you. They had to have many prior problems for this to happen. It is not your fault and go to any shrink and he will tell you the same thing. When you are young you always think about that it is something you did that caused it. But it is not. You should talk to your parents and the will reassure you that it is not your fault.

your parents separated from each other but just because you talked to your mom about divorce doesn't mean that it is your fault that they got divorced, it's not like you put a gun on their heads and told them to do it. Your parents made their decision.