Rethinking ,how Ive Been Living My Life ,how I Surronded My Self With People That Dont Care For Me How I Pushed Away The Ones That Do,

Well it started when i got in relationship that was very bad ,he was bipolar and i really try ed  to stay in it  ,it changed my whole way i thought  seen things and made me very bitter,we had a son and stayed together for 7 years it was  awful ,, ,,couldn't take it no more had him to move out,,,well now its 7 years sense that happen ,and im looking at how im living my life and where im at and how it got this way,i own my own business that i really dont work anymore ,,,depress and sad ,i ve got a 12 year old boy and a nine year old boy im raising ,,over the last past 7 years if i go out ill go to the closes bar and hang out with i guess all the other depressed people ,,we dont act like we are depressed when were drinking but i know were all depressed people ...i was all around this big group of people like they were my best friends ,they would talk about me i would talk about them ,,it was crazy,,,but the whole time i was thinking do i actually have a true friend that would be there for me if i needed them,,, well i came up with noone,,  well now i have made everyone mad and i stoped hanging out with them ,,but now i want to have true friends ,,or just want something to do,,,, with people that are adult and can carry on conversations ,,,and its the hardest thing to fine ,,im 44 and single and im not looking for a man i have to much going on to get in a relationship,,,,,.so ive at leased ,realized   .that and alot of other things come along with living but not living ,,,,i want to start over and change everything ,,ive even moved,, i want  me and my kids to to make the most of everyday and i want to be a great role model  for my kids,,  if anyone has been though something like this please let me know,,,,god blessf
wendy39 wendy39
41-45
May 7, 2012