Rock Your Socks Off.

I totally kick *** as a friend.  I will listen to your problems on the phone while e-mailing somebody else to give them relationship advice.  You want to call me at 3 am?  I'm here, apparently.  You want me to e-mail your fiance because he's not talking to you and you want to know what the problem is, I'm on that, too.  I will quietly go through my own relationship issues, and my own doubt, and I'll work out my problems in my head by listening to yours and realizing that mine aren't quite as bad.  (At least my husband is not a prat.  Oblivious, yes.  Long-winded at times, yes.  But a prat, decidedly not.  Apparently my man-choosing skills are the best of most anybody I know.) 

I am, as of a week ago, the highest-paid feature comic in my city, and I did it in two years, as opposed to the average six it takes to get booked on that level.  I did it because I'm amazing.  I've done twice the work an average comic does in half the amount of time.  And it shows.  I'm funny, I'm professional.  I can even handle hecklers all by myself, without a good mc to back me up.

I make a mean pot of beef stew, and my chili is only second to my husband's.  Anything I cook with potatoes is amazing.  (It better be, I'm Irish.)  I can mix the perfect margarita, the best bloody mary, and a beautiful, tropical-looking mai tai.  I can even somehow make a Long Island drinkable. 

I have the best drunken auto-pilot I know.  I've hosted entire comedy nights that I don't remember, only to be told a week later how fun they were, and how much everybody loves me as an mc.  (I don't really recommend this practice, and I don't do it often, but it's a skill set.)

I can totally run in high heels, and my legs look sexy as hell when I do it.  I wear skirts, but it doesn't stop me from climbing trees or jumping over things.

I have ten of the prettiest, shiniest, happiest goldfish I've ever encountered, and a beta named Centauri.  They make me and anybody who cares to sit and watch them smile.

I'm awesome.  I just wanted to say that.  It's not often I take the time to stop and realize it, but yeah.  I totally kick some ***, and I'm going to continue to do so.  You should kick ***, too, and if you don't, then effing do something about it.

unobserver unobserver
31-35, F
4 Responses Mar 10, 2010

That is indeed, awesome! As are you! : )<br />
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Aww...I'd love to have goldfish. I've always had fish growing up. My favorite was a deep red beta fish. We hung out all the time. He was so cool. But my cats are sooo naughty. The fish would mysteriously disappear.

I knew you were awesome! Grats on everything but let me just pause here and say I'm pretty good at the chili thing myself :-P

The secret to chili= cocoa, beer, coffee, and fresh jalapenos. I'm a southern woman, but I go with the Nevada recipe. Try it.

I love you, Uno. :-) You are not only all these things you've mentioned - but you are able to admit your awesomeness to the world.