Being the first American in my family is very confusing, as a matter of fact, for my sister as well. She was born in St. Petersburg and moved here with my parents at the age of four (nine years before I was born). She had it extremely rough out of the two of us because she was picked on for being Russian at school at a very young age. My parents tried everything they could to help her feel better and took her out of that school, but the scarring was still there. I don't know about Russian children, but it seems like Americans aren't very welcoming if you are considered to be in the slightest bit wierd. I'm not sure if I can say that about all people, but there is a difference to be picked on in order to invite you into a group versus keeping you out. My sister ended up being spoiled to the point it made her rotten, but maybe the cultural differences were to blame. For me, I have a problem with finding genuinely warm people in the United States, to me it seems there is not much unity between people. I have reached a point in my life where I think I have to decide whether I should be a nurturing Russian or a selfish American and live life the way I would live it, but to me that sounds ugly. I love my parents very much and sometimes I think they are the only ones who can make me happy. I love their attitude and outlook on life, even though some sacrifices had to be made. They grew up in a different time and led an exciting life, whereas sometimes I feel like I drown in my own misery in the States and I can only swim if I become a jerk. That won't make me happy and I simply can't do that, but I'm afraid by being a nurturing person I will be stomped on and used. I only feel safe in the sanctuary which my parents have provided for me, but that will not be forever, I must learn how to create my own. But it's difficult when you feel like you are the only one there, you always want to share something special with other people to help them feel better too. Maybe no one needs help, it sure seems that way sometimes.

sensitized sensitized
26-30, F
6 Responses Mar 13, 2010

I apologize everyone for my idiocy. I really appreciate all of your responses, I just had no idea they were here! I just discovered them, I hope it is not too late to talk. I am really glad a website like this can bring normal people together. It is a weight off of my chest, thank you for all of your support and hugs.

I do know that all human beings have the right to be happy. Unfortunately, there are some who enjoy judging others and making them miserable ba<x>sed on non-sense. Do not let them stop you from being happy. Lots of hugs :)))

Hello/zdrastvui. I just joined the forum looking for someone who has experienced what I have experienced in the US as someone who was born in Russia and came here at the age of 4, and I can definitely say I have had a very similar experience to what you describe! You are lucky, I think, to have a sister, although it sounds like your relationship might be complicated. I'm an only child, and it can be very difficult. I, like you, also often feel the most safe in my own home, with my books and music, and I often feel like others around me have no idea what my life is like, or who I am. I put on a different face for Americans, it's like I was conditioned to do this all through school and now I feel fake. Unless I'm with the few people who were also not born here - but most of them aren't of Russian background, and so they don't know where I am coming from. It's so hard trying to find an identity that is not Russian, because I grew up here, but not really American, either, would you agree? Sometimes I want to escape to Europe. But I'm guessing I will find a different set of problems there.

well its all based on where you live<br />
in sacramento, california theres a neighborhood of mexicans and russians living right next to each other. Like theres maria's taqueria and next door is masha's video depot. And they're all hella cool with each other.

This is fantastic, if only California wasn't so expensive. I know this was posted almost three years ago, but right now California is tremendously suffering.

well our accents are definetly a laughing point for kids...

Thats a pity but such problems aren`t solved yet. The Cold War ended, but horrible stereotypes are alive....