Being a player in my early days, I probably deserve being in a marriage that lacks love, affection, sex, etc.  How I try but it seems the more you try, the less it shows in her eyes. 

I cook, clean, take care of my little girl and work at night but in her eyes it does not matter. 

Going to counseling only made matters worse as it showed her faults which she could not stand. 

In the end, I learned to grow apart from her.  She comes home every day with her fake smile and laugh.  I don't want a divorce just yet since it would break my little girl's heart so I have to wait until she sees in her eyes what a terrible person her mother has turned out to be.

When I hear the term ungrateful, I close my eyes to picture my situation. 
sadgenius sadgenius
31-35, M
2 Responses Nov 7, 2007

i cant believe i just read my own story!! the worst bit is that although i try not to think of her as a terrible person i wonder what sort of person thinks that that kind of love is ok, is it us ? is it because we choose to put up with being treated as a 2nd class citizen for the sake of our children that makes us worth less in their eyes? i fully understand what you are going through, i try but feel worthless when it is obviously not good but complain and it is just more ammunition to used agianst you in what seems an endless and cold battle!! i want to leave but i want to be with my daughter, a part of me also does not want to be seen by people as the one who gave up, because unfortunately i dont know about you but as far as our relationship goes whenever we are in public or with family then we are seen as being normal and those moments hurt more because sometimes they give you hope and then when you are a alone together you realise those moments were fake. i wish you well and hope there is truly light at the end of whats become a very long dark tunnel

Change must come from both sides.What does your wife say about your situation ?<br />
Did you ask her what she literally expects from you ? What could you do to make her happy ? It's good that you have the initiative but I think you are going on the wrong track and even tough you struggle and it hurts you still don't know what is important to her and what makes her happy.<br />
If you won't divorce just yet and will stay a year or two try a different approach and see where it leads to.<br />
I was in a relationship were I struggled a lot to win her heart and after 2 years I found out that she wasn't actually happy with me because she wanted something different from ... something very simple and dead stupid !!!<br />
Eventually we parted but I learned some important things, you can not know what's in a woman's head unless you ask and the biggest mistake you can make is to assume you know what she's thinking and what she wants.